


Wings of Freedom

by Dragonfly_Dream



Category: Final Fantasy VIII
Genre: But i won't say who, M/M, Slow Burn, Some of the characters are not very nice, like very slow, seifer doesn't even appear for many chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:47:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 25,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23157316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragonfly_Dream/pseuds/Dragonfly_Dream
Summary: After the war, everybody expected Squall's life to be a fairy tale come true. The perfect girlfriend, the perfect job, the perfect father... he had it all. A life anyone would dream of.But had anyone ever thought that maybe, just maybe, this wasn't what he wanted? That all the 'perfect gifts' they were piling on him were starting to be too much to bear?
Relationships: Seifer Almasy/Squall Leonhart, Squall Leonhart & Laguna Loire
Comments: 24
Kudos: 75





	1. Chapter 1

It had been almost three months since Ultimecia had been defeated and Squall was restless.

After many weeks of living on the move, battling monsters and evil Sorceresses left and right, he was now stuck doing paperwork and barely finding the time to leave his office to visit the training center – even though the T-Rexaurs were hardly a challenge, and don't get him started on the Grats. But as acting Commander and Headmaster of Balamb Garden until Cid officially took back his seat or found someone to replace him, it fell to him to deal with the ridiculous amount of paperwork being brought day-in and day-out. He couldn't even delegate some of his duties, since he was only _acting_ Headmaster and Commander, meaning he didn't have all the power of an appointed officer and was not allowed to hand over some responsibilities.

His friends were also busy with their own chosen duties; Selphie was organizing various events (Squall had never noticed just how many celebrations Balamb Garden had before) and both Irvine and Zell had been conscripted. Quistis and Rinoa were busy working with Cid, Matron and Xu on public relations, something from which Squall had been mercifully spared, apart from the meetings and parties he was forced to attend. Rinoa was using all her weight as member of a Timber Resistance group and daughter of a well-known Galbadian General to show people that not all Sorceresses were bad, while Quistis and Xu used their reputation as experimented SeeDs to support her claims. Matron and Cid were relying their many contacts to spread the word faster, which was facilitated by the spread of Estharian technology throughout the world, and the lack of jamming from Adel's tomb in space.

Which left Squall with pretty much everything else, from the incoming new contracts to SeeD (he could only accept the low-ranked ones, since he didn't have the authority to agree to more) to the regular reports and demands from running a school. It was exhausting and mind-numbing, and he was looking forward to Cid's official return. The man was clearly well enough, if he could handle meetings after meetings with his contacts, and his wife no longer needed him to stay by her side all the time, so the gunblader had no idea why he had not yet taken back his seat.

After all, Squall was only acting in his stead, and even his appointment was sketchy at best. He had been designated leader of Balamb Garden in a moment of panic, and he was hardly the best choice; there had been plenty of more capable and more experimented SeeDs in the school at the time, yet Cid had chosen him for some reason. Plus, he had not been happy with this 'promotion' at the time and he still wasn't, but he had been forced to accept, because someone needed to coordinate Garden's defense, and Cid wasn't cutting it, but also refused to designate someone else.

But the brunet was a man of action. He was clearly not made to fill out paperwork or attend meetings with prospective customers. He was in SeeD for the field missions, not the administrative crap or the social gatherings. The faster Cid officially returned, the better. He was still 17, for crying out loud, he should not have to be glued in front of a desk all day, weighed down by responsibilities, working to reduce the alarming pile of documents that grew back every time he left for the day and threatened to smother him.

The worst part was that everyone seemed to think he should be glad to have this job. All his teammates were under the impression that being the Commander of SeeD was a great honor and had been one of his goals in life, and any attempt at telling them that no, he was not interested in owning an office and that to sort out paperwork until he died of it was not how he envisioned his future ended in failure. They didn't _listen_ , they kept replying that he should be proud, and that he was actually happy to be the current most important man in Garden on the inside.

He was starting to doubt himself on that topic, to be honest. He didn't _feel_ satisfied with his position, but maybe they were right and he actually was? He had reached the peak of the life of a SeeD after all, and becoming a SeeD had been his ambition for as long as he could clearly remember (granted, that wasn't that long, blame the Guardian Forces for that).

To 'help him out' in sorting his feelings, his friends had started prompting him to voice his thoughts every time he got lost in his head, or just didn't actively participate in their conversation. Squall knew that they were well-meaning, but he despised displaying his inner self for all to see, even if the only audience were people he trusted.

Once more, he couldn't tell if it was normal to be annoyed with his friends for wanting him to be more open, or if it was his own introverted behavior that was the issue. Was it really so wrong to keep his thoughts and feelings private? Weren't friends supposed to like you more for the person you currently are, rather than the person they thought you should become?

He was interrupted from his thoughts – and his procrastination – when the door to his office opened and Rinoa slipped inside. She smiled coyly at him.

“I am not bothering you, am I?”

Squall glanced at his towering pile of paperwork with a slight raise of his eyebrow, the answer to her question clearly visible on his dispassionate face, at least for those who could read him.

“Great!” She chirped. Apparently, Rinoa was not among those that could get his silent communication. Although Squall was maybe being a little unfair. There had only ever been three people that he knew could understand him without him speaking up. Perhaps four, recently.

Matron had been one, she had raised him before he was transferred to Garden after all, but he was pretty sure that her ability to read him had dwindled over the years they had been apart. The few times he had been forced to interact with her since the end of the war, she had been just as oblivious of his tells as anyone else and had kept pushing him beyond the point of annoyance.

Ellone had been next. Or first, perhaps, it was hard to tell after all those years and forgotten memories. Like Matron, she could not read him as well as before, but she was trying and she could tell when she was annoying him and knew when to leave a topic alone. The rest, she couldn't detect yet, but he was sure that with time, they would be able to communicate as easily as when they were children.

Seifer was the last, and the only one who could – probably – still read him like an open book and coax reactions out of him. He was the one that had been with him non-stop since the beginning. Until Ultimecia, that is.

He missed the guy, as strange as it sounded. Seifer had been the one constant thing in his life, always there to goad him into a spar. He had also been one of the few people that had never tried to change him; get a rise out of him, yes, but never force him to be more sociable. And for all of his faults, he was also the only one that could duel him to a standby. He had not found anyone else that could push him as far past his limits as Seifer, and he knew he had the same effect on the blond.

At least he knew the man was still alive and well. He had been spotted in Balamb with Raijin and Fuujin shortly after the final battle. They had all been pardoned in a trail in absentia for whatever crimes they had committed during the war, as all people involved were, since they had been under the influence of a Sorceress. But for whatever reason, they had still decided to vanish.

And there was one last person that was on the way of being able to see through his walls : Laguna (he was not ready to call him 'dad' or 'father', for all that their relation was now unfortunately public knowledge). The man was really trying to establish bonds with his newly discovered son, that much, even Squall could appreciate. It was difficult, but the President of Esthar was really invested in the endeavor, and he was letting Squall set the pace and decide how close he wanted to be, for which the young man truly was thankful.

They had not met much since Ultimecia had been defeated, and mostly saw each other at the few parties and meetings that the acting head of Garden could not afford to miss. Esthar had been quick to open its borders after the war was over – that had apparently been one of Laguna's goals for many years, but the Council had always opposed him – and they were very active in international relations, offering some carefully selected technologies to improve people's lives. Cell phones had been among the first distributed innovations, as well as an increase in the quality, speed and amount of transports between the various continents. It put the recently isolated country in the good graces of the general public, but the politicians were hoping for more offensive technologies. Which was ridiculous, since Esthar was almost as pacifistic as Fisherman's Horizon; what little weapons they had left from Adel's reign were either long dismantled or not much better than Galbadia's.

But SeeD had been called upon in the negotiations and Squall had to attend the tedious meetings and the boring parties. That was where he had started to know Laguna, who was naturally among the Estharian delegation. The older man had taken the habit of standing near him and babbling about something or another, anecdotes about his time as President, stories about Raine, tales of his days as a Galbadian soldier, and so on. He never asked Squall to reply or to participate in the one-sided conversation; it was quite refreshing. The gunblader was drowning in expectations from everyone around him, but Laguna didn't want anything from him apart from spending some time with his son.

Slowly, Squall had started to give his own input to the man's monologues. Nothing much, just a comment here or an amused eye-roll there. Laguna drank up each and every of his little reactions with a beaming smile, and was starting to understand his little tells. Their conversations were much less one-sided now than they had been three months ago, although an outside observer would still have the impression that the older man was mostly talking alone.

“What are you thinking about?” Inquired Rinoa, leaning over his desk when she noticed that he was not paying proper attention to her and was once against lost into his head.

“Nothing.” Replied Squall tartly, well aware that the girl would not be satisfied by his answer, but not caring. He was not in the mood to humor her attempts at making him talk. “What do you want?” He demanded to stall her protest.

She crossed her arms and pouted. “You are such a killjoy sometimes, you know? I was wondering if you could find some time to take me on a date. We have not yet been able to properly go out, so it's high time we go to a nice restaurant or something equally romantic.” She was smiling at the end of her tirade, already anticipating a candlelight dinner in one of the most classy establishments of Balamb.

Squall let out a sigh. “Rinoa,” he began exasperatedly, not even looking up from the report he was reading. “I am submerged under paperwork, all of it urgent, and I can't give any of it to someone else. I don't have the time to take you anywhere. Maybe you should see with the others? I'm sure they would love to go eat out with you.”

“But it won't be a date!” Argued Rinoa heatedly. She clearly didn't like the gunblader's attitude. “You're my boyfriend and my Knight, you're supposed to spend some time with me, not stay cooped up in your office ignoring me.”

That got Squall to look up at her and sigh. Again. “I am _not_ your boyfriend, I told you before. I am not interested, Rinoa. And I am only your Knight because your magic latched on to me and there was no-one else strong-willed and stable enough to take up the job. As soon as you find someone else that you feel connected to, I am relinquishing that title.”

Tears welled up in the brunette's eyes and her lower lip wobbled. “How can you say that? You said yourself that you would be there for me. Was- was that all a lie?”

“I only meant that you could count on me to keep your Sorceress magic in check and to make sure you made it out of Ultimecia's den alive. There was nothing romantic about that.” he stated sternly. It was not the first time they had this argument.

Rinoa's eyes were inexplicably dry when she talked. It had taken some time for Squall to understand that while he hid his feelings behind an emotionless mask, the girl instead acted out emotions to get what she wanted. Most of the tears she had shed had been faked, at least since the first time he had met her. “You're impossible!” She huffed, turned on her heels and made for the door. At the last second, she shifted to look at him in a dramatic way. “It's high time you stop questioning your feelings and accept that you're in love with me. Everybody can see it, you're the only one still in denial. The sooner you realize that, the happier we will be, both me and you.” And then she slammed the door.

Squall leaned back into his seat with a heavy sigh. Why did human interaction have to be so damn complicated? People systematically looked for hidden meanings behind his plain words and actions, and then imagined that he was trying to tell them something different from what he was saying. He had always been one to speak things exactly as he felt them, whenever he actually talked, yet his friends – all of them, really – kept seeing hints of his undying love for Rinoa or his need to share his bottled emotions. It was driving him crazy.

_Do I really give off the impression that I conceal different meanings when I speak?_ He asked inwardly, hoping that the trusty creatures that lived in his mind could shed some light on his friends' behavior.

_'No.'_ Replied Shiva inside his head. _'They are foolish to think otherwise. You have always spoken things plainly and without secondary meanings. The problem is that most humans actually do express other things in their words than their first definition, and they expect you to follow that pattern.'_ She reassured him.

_'They are all close-minded morons, really. You could do so much better than this bunch of clowns.'_ Added Diablos with a huff.

The other GF he carried all signified their agreement with Shiva's statement.

Squall sent them all a feeling of gratitude for their constant support. He was used to communicating with and respecting the opinions of the GF he carried, which endeared him to them, which eventually meant that more attached themselves to him than to any other SeeD. He currently had Shiva, Carbuncle, Diablos, Leviathan, Tonberry and Eden, so a third of all known first-class GF.

It had often baffled him to see how little his comrades tried to connect with the spirits that made their home in their heads and as such knew everything there was to know about them. He had heard more than once cadets and SeeDs alike complain about how uncomfortable it was to have a creature inside your brain, but he didn't agree. GF didn't usually mock or judge their wielder, and were most of the time open to giving advice if you asked them. They also knew when their input was unwanted, and, if you treated them well, were loyal to you and more than happy to help you out. In short, they were much easier to handle for the brunet than his fellow humans.

Shiva was his favorite, of course. Ice was the element he preferred and could manipulate the most easily, and their personalities were similar enough. The Ice Queen was his confident since he had first junctioned her, years ago, and knew him inside-out. Diablos was a snarky bastard that always had something mocking to add, but was strangely protective of his user. Leviathan was the most distant, being rather wistful, although it sometimes let out pearls of wisdom that Squall had learned to value. Carbuncle was simply adorable; the gunblader was not immune to its cuteness no matter his aloof and frosty exterior. The GF couldn't speak, but it made very expressive mewls and growls and could send feelings to its user, like all GF. Tonberry couldn't even make any sound and was terribly shy, but had an unexpected vengeful side when pushed to far (which was why he didn't get along at all with the other SeeDs, who required him to manifest often and treated him badly when he didn't perform as they wanted). Lastly, Eden felt like an ancient being and was mostly silent. Its voice was quite unsettling, sounding like many female voices speaking as one, which gave it an eerie mechanical aspect. Squall was kind of glad that the age-old GF didn't talk too often and favored sending feelings and impressions when it wanted to communicate.

Shaking himself out of his musings, the young man took a steadying breath and immersed himself right back into the humongous pile of reports and requests needing his signature. He almost missed Rinoa for the distraction she provided.

Almost.

  


()()()()()()

  


Later that day, Squall had finally managed to cut the tower or paperwork in half (without resorting to Lion Heart) when someone knocked at the door. Without waiting for a prompt (knowing none would be coming because this was _Squall_ ) Quistis let herself in.

“Good afternoon, Squall.” She greeted and was rewarded with a glance and a grunt. There was nothing good about a day spent signing documents. The woman shook her head in disappointment, although she must have expected it. “I'm bringing you the latest mission reviews.” That earned her a frosty glower, but she shrugged it off and added her paperwork on top of the rest.

“I saw Rinoa.” She started after a minute filled with only the sound of a pen scratching paper. Squall didn't offer any answer, so she kept talking. “She's quite annoyed with you. You shouldn't treat your girlfriend like that or she's eventually going to leave you.” She lectured.

Squall rolled his eyes but still didn't reply. Quistis had taken an unhealthy interest in his 'love life' since Rinoa and he 'hooked up'. He suspected her of reporting her own former crush on him into his 'relationship' with Rinoa, making her way more invested than she should be.

When it became clear that the Commander wasn't inclined to supply an explanation for his attitude, the blonde said “I suppose this is Rinoa's and your problem.” She huffed and changed the subject without making a fuss, for once. “Anyway, one of our prospective high-profile customers requested a business dinner with you tonight. Since it would be good for SeeD's image to have contact with them and to see you out in public, we've already accepted on your behalf.”

That got a reaction out of the brunet. “And who is this 'we' that accepted for me?” He demanded in a growl. He positively _hated_ work dinners and lunches. Nothing ever got done apart from tedious niceties and pointless small talk. And Squall had to appear reasonably well-mannered or he wouldn't hear the end of it from his comrades.

“Well me, of course, but also Headmaster Cid, Matron and Xu. This is an important individual that we can't afford to turn down for the Garden's reputation. Since this will be a public setting, you will be required to wear a proper suit and show your good education.” She finished with a slightly amused smile, knowing full well how much the young man despised this kind of event.

“Quistis, I have too much work to cater to the whims of a rich customer for a whole evening.” Tried Squall, desperate to find an excuse to avoid the dinner. “Why don't you attend? Or Cid? He seems well enough to go to that sort of meeting.” He added bitterly.

“Stop whining.” Ordered the woman, hiding a smile at his badly hidden desperation. “The customer asked for you specifically so you can't back out now that we've agreed. You'd better show yourself at the Blue Fields restaurant tonight at 1800 properly dressed or Hyne help me I'll make you regret it. Besides, you might enjoy yourself, who knows?”

The dubious look Squall shot her broke her countenance and she left the office laughing. Squall shook his head. Today was definitely not a good day.

  


()()()()()()

  


As he had been instructed, Squall had arrived at Blue Fields at precisely 6pm. No reason to arrive any sooner and prolong an already annoying meeting. He was pissed at having to leave his paperwork unfinished for the day, despite hating doing it, because everything he left would have to be tackled over the following days and would cut from his little time in the training center.

The restaurant was one of those high-class ones where you spent a fortune to leave still hungry because of the tiny portions. It was ridiculous. While Squall could appreciate good food, he still considered it more a necessity to avoid starving than a reason to spend all you money. Better a cheap to moderately expensive restaurant where you could quell your hunger than establishments like the Blue Fields, no matter how good the meals supposedly were.

Walking stiffly in his uncomfortable suit, he headed inside and spoke gruffly to the butler waiting for customers at the entrance. “Someone booked a table for two.” He didn't know the name of the prospective customer, and hadn't thought to ask Quistis beforehand.

“Of course Commander Leonhart. We've been expecting you. This way please.” The brunet wasn't even surprised that the butler had recognized him on sight. After their return from the Time Compression, all six of their faces had appeared on newspapers, and then on TV, along with what had happened during the Third Sorceress War and personal details about their lives. Somehow, even the fact that he was President Loire's son had been found out by journalists.

Squall hated the exposure, but there was nothing he could do apart from staying at Garden and only leave on missions (which he had not done yet due to the ridiculous amount of work he had been forced to do). Some of his friends enjoyed the attention though. Zell rather liked being acknowledged by so many people when he had been mocked for his usual restlessness before. Irvine liked to flaunt his 'sniper persona' or whatever that 'single bullet' nonsense he had spouted before the attempt on Edea's life had been, and Selphie let him play whatever role he wanted in public – and played along – as long as he stayed faithful to her and didn't behave like that in private.

Quistis didn't mind being hounded by journalists and 'fans' (she had long had a devoted fanclub, after all) and she answered their questions with patient smiles. An educator to the end.

Rinoa thrived under the attention. Squall suspected that was due to her pampered princess upbringing, something she had never really outgrown. He also believed she had been the one to tell the media about their supposed relationship, which had then been made the front pages more than once in the past three months. Now everyone thought that they were together and that they made a cute or glamorous couple (depending on who you asked). The young man was tired of correcting everybody that congratulated him or asked when they would get married – the horror – but Rinoa's and his other friends' continued assumption that they were an item made all his efforts vain.

Speaking of the Timber princess, there she was, seated alone at a table for two. For a second, Squall hoped that was a good sign. Maybe she had finally understood what he had been telling her for months and was truly considering finding an actual boyfriend? Maybe a Knight?

But of course that was not to be. The butler led him straight to her table and left him standing there. The cat-got-the-canary smile on the young woman's face was proof enough that she had been expecting him and no one else.

Squall felt a burst of anger blossom in his chest, but held himself back from yelling at the brunette. No need to make a scene, although he really wanted to give her a taste of reality.

“What a coincidence to see you here tonight.” She smiled in such a satisfied manner that it was obvious that she had planned it all and had gotten exactly what she wanted. The rage that had been building up burst from Squall at once.

“What do you think you are doing?” He demanded through clenched teeth. “I have no time for you games.”

She had the audacity of pouting. “I wanted to spend some time with my beloved boyfriend, but you are so unaccommodating... We had to trick you into coming, honestly.” She sighed in a long-suffering way, as if he was the childish one. “But now that you're here, we can start our date!” She chirped.

“We are not dating!” He exploded in an uncharacteristic display of emotion, but the young woman had pushed him too far with this last trick. Every customer had turned to look at them, immediately recognizing Sorceress Rinoa Heartilly and her Knight Squall Leonhart but the gunblader was past caring. “We never were and you and the others are the ones trying to push me in a relationship I don't want! Stop forcing me to be something I am not, and I _am not_ interested in you that way!” She was leaning back into her chair, cowering in the face of his unleash wrath. He had been told on the few occasions where he seriously got mad that he became quite scary, so he wasn't surprised. Perhaps this would teach the spoiled girl a lesson : not everything always goes your way in life. “I still have mountains of documents to peruse at Garden, and I can still manage to get some done before the end of the day despite your irritating attempts to force my hand. Goodbye Rinoa.”

He span on his heels and made for the exit, but was stopped mid-stride by a hand clamping on his wrist. He turned his head just enough to see the Sorceress clutching his arm, tears flowing freely down her cheeks. “Why are you doing this?” She wept. He couldn't help but think that her sobs were probably fake. “Why can't you realize how much you love me? How much I love you? You can't leave me, Squall, you can't! You can't do that to me after all that you promised! We're made for one another, everyone can see that but you! And now you're trying to abandon me!” She cried.

Squall shook off her grip and glared at the weeping young woman before him with a look of pure disgust. How dare she try to guilt trip him into staying and spending time with her when she had tricked him into coming in the first place? And now she was professing that he loved her? Don't make him laugh. The last dregs of fondness he had for her vanished into nothingness the moment she tried to make him look like the bad guy by crying and accusing him of leading her on.

He marched out of the restaurant without a second glance. No way was he returning to that woman who thought he belonged to her and should bend to her fancies. He was already at the entrance porch when he heard a cry that comforted him in his decision to hightail it, because it was not a cry of despair, sadness, powerlessness or even guilt.

It was a cry of anger, like a child throwing a tantrum, but he refused to bend to her whims.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments and support. I honestly wasn't sure if there were still people in the FFVIII fandom. Here's another chapter, as promised, with some Laguna, because I love that character, and he deserves some screen time.

The morning after he had left Rinoa to her tantrum, Squall was woken up by furious pounding on the door to his room. Various raging voices ordered him to open up and provide answers.

Honestly, he was surprised it had taken so long for his friends to react. Rinoa was not one to hold back on complaining because of the early hour. Perhaps she had only just gotten back after spending the night somewhere else?

He stood up and lazily got ready for the day, ignoring the angry outbursts behind his door. Bless the SeeD facilities that had been built to resist any attack, so as to make sure the members had a safe place to rest and unwind. He took his time in the shower, having woken up slightly earlier than usual, before he dressed up and went to go out.

As he had expected, all his friends were there, glaring at him as though he had just committed some kind of unforgivable crime. Quistis was at the front, predictably, with Zell, who must have been the one hammering at the door. Irvine and Selphie were just a step behind, the cowboy had an arm draped on his girlfriend's shoulders but appeared just as mad as the rest. Rinoa was absent, having probably sent the cavalry to deal with her problems. Not that he was complaining, the longer he didn't see her the better, although he knew that couldn't last; he could still feel his Knight bond in his head, besides his GF.

He stood at the doorstep with his arms crossed and waited for one of them to start. His confrontational attitude appeared to startle the two at the back, but Quistis and Zell were too far gone into their fury to notice.

“You idiot!” Yelled the blond instructor. “You have an amazing girlfriend that loves you dearly and you ignore her for weeks, yell at her in public and leave her alone for a dinner she had planned just for you! What kind of boorish caveman does that?! You go apologize and beg her to take you back right now!”

He stared dispassionately at her for a minute, while they apparently expected him to answer verbally. As if his body language didn't scream 'I won't do what you want and I don't care what you think about it'.

Quistis let out a muffled scream of frustrated rage. Zell took the lead. “Sometimes, man, you are such a scumbag. You're _sooooo_ lucky that Rinoa is as nice as she is! She came home this morning after spending the night outside, just so she wouldn't meet you, and the first thing she does is ask us to put some sense in that fucked up head of yours, instead of punching the living daylights out of you! She's so sweet, you don't deserve her. She even said that she wanted to forget it ever happened after you apologize to her!”

“I'm not her boyfriend, or her pet, or her toy.” Replied Squall frostily. “She didn't listen when I told her gently and kept pushing. She can't complain when I tell her more harshly. Besides, it's none of your business.”

“Of course it's our business, you're our friend, almost our brother!” Cried Selphie, but she was cut off by Quistis.

“We're you friends, that gives us the right to meddle into your business, no matter what you think! And clearly, you need us if you want any hope of restoring your relationship with Rinoa. Now stop being a big baby!”

Squall felt his temper flare, and given the slight leaning backwards of the four people before him, it was visible. “You are the ones that need to grow up. I have no obligation to tell you what goes on in my life or my head.” His voice was like the coldest plains of Trabia. He even saw Zell shiver. Having a suspicion, he checked inside his head and yes, Shiva was active and steadily lowering the temperature; she was as furious as he was with his friends' assumptions. Not that the other GF were happy, but they had wisely let Shiva take the stage and stayed back. The Ice Queen could be vicious when her favored user was upset. The brunet let her do what she wanted. “I. Am. Not. Rinoa's. Boyfriend.” He enunciated coldly. “And I never was. She imagined it for some reason and your attitude is only encouraging that delusion. Now, I still have work to do.”

He left, leaving them all gaping in a frosted corridor. Hopefully, they had understood the message this time, although he wouldn't bet on it.

' _Those imbeciles should mind their own lives and personalities. I'm certain they could find plenty of areas to improve on, starting with their inability to learn to leave a sleeping lion alone._ ' Sniped Shiva, still in the throes of her icy fury. ' _They are lucky that I didn't have the time to give them frostbite._ '

_It's better that you didn't. I don't want to have to hear their complaints if they have to be treated for frozen fingers. Or Kadowaki's. _Offered Squall.__

__  
_ _

' _Who said I would have targeted their fingers? There are much more painful body parts, especially for men..._ ' She deadpanned, but didn't elaborate, for which her user was thankful, although he could hear Diablos' maniacal laughter echo inside his head, and Carbuncle's mirthful chirps. Even Tonberry and Eden gave off feelings of amusement.

' _What do you intend to do if they don't leave well enough alone?_ ' Came the unexpected voice of Leviathan. After all this time, Squall couldn't decide on a gender for it. ' _They are likely to come bother you once they regain their bearings._ '

True, his friends were nothing if not obstinate. _I'll deal with it when it happens. It will depend on how they took our last argument and if they actually heard my points this time._

' _Don't count too much on that._ ' Diablos said sarcastically. ' _Those idiots are denser than a wall of bricks and way too sure of their assumptions when it comes to you. I bet you that they'll be back before long, ordering you to beg and make up with that whiny Sorceress._ ' He scoffed. ' _You're really sure that you won't let Shiva turn them into Popsicles? Or let any of us have a go? We're all itching to show them their place._ '

_I'm sure, but I appreciate the offer. You will be the first to know if I change my mind._ Assured Squall, pleased that his GF were so supportive of him. It was less difficult to doubt himself and his reactions when he had people – or spirits or whatever GF were – rooting for you and willing to stand behind your decisions.

()()()()()()

As he had expected, he spent the next few days in peace, not seeing hair or tail of any of his friends. Actually, he didn't see much of anyone, apart from Xu, who snubbed him royally. She was a long-time friend of Quistis', so he wasn't overly shocked, and she still did her job of bringing him his paperwork and sending it where it had to be sent, so he said nothing. He'd much prefer a judgmental silence to a heated argument anyway.

And as he expected, that time of almost-serenity couldn't last.

It started with Cid and Edea entering his office without even knocking. Really, just because they were his – former, current, future? – Headmaster who had left him all his work while he took a holiday and the woman who had raised him until he was seven before sending him to a mercenary school didn't mean they didn't have to at least announce their presence before barging in.

Did it show that he was not overly pleased with their arrival? Every time they showed up, it was always to drag him to a reception or a meeting of some sort ; he had reasons to be wary.

And this time was no exception. “Squall, child. It is good to see you.” Greeted Matron. After become a full-fledged mercenary and facing one of the most dangerous witches since creation, he thought he had outgrown the moniker of 'child', but whatever. “I heard you and Rinoa had a spat. I hope you will be able to overcome your differences of opinion and make up with each other soon. You make such a lovely couple.”

Of course she had heard about it. The day he had been assaulted by his friends was also the day an article about the argument at the restaurant made the front lines. Why was everyone so interested in his fictional love life?

He didn't bother to correct Edea. He had tried before, and she had not listened any more than anyone else. At least she was not ordering him to apologize... He stayed silent, willing the married couple to get to the point so he could move on.

After a tense minute, Cid chuckled uneasily and – finally – started on the topic that had brought him to Garden. “We've received invitations to the Summer ball at Esthar's presidential Palace. It is apparently a big event in that country, and since this is the first one since the opening of their borders, we cannot afford to skip it, not even you. Especially since it will give you an occasion to speak with your father.” He smiled benignly.

Squall wanted to ask why, if his relation with his father was so important, had Cid and Edea not tried to reunite them years before. Ellone must have known where Laguna was, and surely she had told Matron when she had been sent to the orphanage. Yet not once had there been any attempt to contact his birth father, let alone send him and Ellone to him.

Besides, Cid's idea of Squall's relation with his father was wrong. Squall didn't know how to be a son, and he was fairly sure that Laguna didn't know how to be a father – just a kooky uncle. Neither had had a chance to learn, and the gunblader was now too old to need a paternal figure after growing up without one. No, they both wanted to learn more about the other, true, but he was positive that no matter how their relation evolved, it could never be called a father-son one. Thankfully, Laguna seemed to have instinctively grasped that and had tried for a bond between equals instead, making it possible for Squall to know the man without being trapped into the role of the child. No expectations, which was why they had managed to get along so far, and why Laguna was so refreshing compared with pretty much everyone else around Squall.

Cid and Edea had seemed disappointed when the gunblader's interaction with his father had been to seemingly let him speak on his own, with – recently – small reactions to express himself, reactions that they missed, but the President didn't. But Squall was satisfied with how things were progressing, and he'd even dare to say that Laguna was too.

“You still get lost inside your head.” Laughed Edea behind her hand. “You should work on that habit, child. What were you thinking about?”

Again that damn question. Squall could feel his GF bristle in annoyance on his behalf. “Nothing. When is the reception and who is invited?” He asked to switch topics. He already knew he would not be able to avoid that particular meeting.

“In six days. We'll have to take the boat to Fisherman's Horizon, then the train to Esthar. Good thing they restarted the thing or we would have to walk a long way.” Laughed Cid in his boisterous way. “All six of you that defeated Ultimecia are invited, as well as Edea and myself. We're all allowed a plus one, although Edea and I obviously won't bring anyone else. I don't know about the rest.” He smiled saucily. Squall though it was very disturbing. “This is the best occasion you could think up to make up with Rinoa, don't you think? There will be a dance of course, like the first time you met. You might even be able to convince the orchestra to perform the same piece. Any woman loves to be taken for a dance by their partner, isn't that right darling?” He looked at his wife.

“Certainly.” Agreed Edea. “It would be very romantic. I'm sure she will forgive you anything.”

So they too believed that _he_ was in the wrong? That he was in denial of his feelings for Rinoa? Just a few days ago, he might have doubted, but after their last argument, he was certain. He didn't even have platonic feelings for the girl anymore, let alone romantic ones. Rinoa was a spoilt princess that wanted things she couldn't have, and the more it eluded her, the more she wanted it. She was nothing to him anymore, apart from a particularly persistent and annoying woman and his Sorceress, although hopefully not for much longer.

He said nothing, and waited for the couple to leave, which they did after a few more unwanted pieces of advice on how to ask your girlfriend for forgiveness. They left a copy of the formal invitation on his desk, so he would have all the details and reminded him how lucky he was in life, to have such devoted friends, such a great job and so nice a girlfriend.

Sometimes, he wondered when his life had started to escape his grasp so completely...

()()()()()()

Laguna had just finished his mandatory speech about international unity and friendship and the Summer ball could finally get started.

He hated having to talk to a crowd. Smaller committees were fine, up to fifty individuals, but large amounts of people like today were not. Over three hundred people had showed up, out of the two hundred invited and their plus ones. The Palace had not seen so many guests since before Adel's reign, so of course he had had to hide a leg cramp when he had gotten on stage, as the host of the evening. Fortunately, years of experience had made it so almost nobody had noticed. He had caught the long-suffering but fond sigh of Kiros and Ward's amused smile. He was also sure that there had been a glint in Squall's eyes, betraying that he had taken note of his slight limp and found it funny.

Squall. Raine's and his seventeen year old son. He still couldn't completely get his head around that fact. Yet there was no denying the truth. Apart from his wife's unusual maiden name of Leonhart and the age being consistent, the young man looked way too much like his mother. He had her hair and eye color, her mouth, her cheekbones, her jaw and her slim build. But there was also some of him as well, in the shape of the eyes and eyebrows, the nose, the pale skin, the grace with which he moved – which he himself displayed when he was not tensing with a leg cramp.

Ellone had told him about his son's existence and what little she knew of his life before he had met the young man, but he was positive that he would have know the truth immediately upon first meeting him. He was just too much a mix of his parents physically for there to be any doubts.

Of course, that was not to say that Squall was like his parents mentally. He was a stern young man, able to make difficult decision and lead an army to victory. But that didn't mean he had little emotions, despite what the frozen exterior might lead people to believe. After getting to know him, Laguna had quickly realized that on the contrary, Squall had lots of emotions, he just chose to not display them to protect himself. A defense mechanism that had apparently begun in his early childhood, when he had been left alone with no parents and no sister. Laguna always felt something twist in his gut when he thought of how things could have been had he known he had a son earlier.

The people of Winhill had never liked him, the outsider, the one that had married the prettiest girl in the village, the former soldier, but he would never have thought they would be petty enough to not tell him Raine had been pregnant and had given birth to a baby boy. When he had finally managed to track Ellone in the distant orphanage where she and Squall had been sent (under the name Leonhart and not Loire, like they should have, given Raine had taken his surname) she had already been sent away for her safety and he hadn't known to ask for a boy. The woman managing the orphanage had not volunteered the information either, despite the shared family name of the siblings, and so he had left to keep looking for his adopted daughter, never to come back and bring his unknown son home.

He could never take back all those lost years, but it didn't mean he wasn't damn proud of the man his son had become without him. Because despite all the hardships Squall had endured, all the impossible decisions he had been forced to make and his upbringing as a mercenary, Squall was a great man that still _cared_.

Laguna had seen too many powerful individuals lose their ability to pay attention to the people below them. It was that ability that made him a decent (if not always competent at first) President. All his actions were for the good of his people, unlike many a politician who only thought of their own profit. It was the reason he was reelected each year despite his goofy personality and occasional blunders.

And he knew that Squall cared for the people of Balamb Garden. Although he had been forcefully assigned his position, he never shirked his duties and gave his best because he worked for the welfare of the students and SeeDs he was responsible for. He might appear distant and aloof, but he was actually very invested in helping his comrades, something his friends and acquaintances knew very well.

So well, in fact, that Laguna sometimes suspected them of abusing that care.

It was hard to believe otherwise when he saw the other SeeDs hounding Squall. The young man had retreated to a quiet balcony partially hidden by heavy drapes. It was normal behavior for the brunet from what Laguna had seen, to isolate himself during parties so as to speak to the least amount of people possible. The President wouldn't be able to join him before an hour or so, after he had fulfilled all his own social duties, but that didn't prevent him from keeping an eye on his son's location and the people that spoke with him.

Squall's friends (Selphie, Irvine, Zell and Quistis if he recalled correctly) kept going back to him and, if the raised voices he could hear from behind the curtain were anything to judge by, arguing with the gunblader about Rinoa. Her name was repeated several times by all the SeeDs.

Said young woman was on the opposite side of the room. Sulking. She kept stealing glances towards the balcony as though waiting for Squall to emerge. She seemed to grow angrier by the minute, and the visits of the other SeeDs – likely reporting to her – did nothing to improve her mood.

Laguna knew that she was not actually Squall's girlfriend, despite what everyone said. The young man had told him so once, and the President had believed him. Squall was not one to lie. But apparently, even Rinoa thought they were an item, and no amount of convincing otherwise from the brunet had managed to change her mind. The rest of their friends were just as certain and didn't help at all.

After forty minutes of SeeDs going back and forth, Rinoa's patience seemed to snap and she marched towards the balcony. Laguna would have intercepted her if he hadn't thought his son able to handle the visibly furious Sorceress. He saw her try to drag Squall back into the ballroom, but the gunblader wrenched his arm out of her grip and Laguna saw him send the girl a disgusted look. There was no fondness to be seen in those blue-gray eyes.

So Squall must have finally had enough and snapped at the young woman. Good for him, Laguna thought; every time he saw him, his son had tried to gently put some distance between him and Rinoa. Guess something happened that broke the camel's back (probably that incident at a restaurant that he had vaguely heard about – he didn't read tabloids and didn't want to know more about his son's life through any other means than from the young man himself), because they were clearly no traces of friendship left in him.

Rinoa burst into tears and ran out of the ballroom, everybody's eyes on her, then on Squall when she was no longer visible. Most of the stares were accusatory, but the young man shrugged them off and walked back to his secluded balcony, making sure that no-one could see him from the ballroom.

Slowly, conversations restarted and Laguna was dragged into a debate about taxes with a noble from Galbadia. He couldn't recall the man's name, and he didn't really care to try; he wanted to see his son and make sure he was alright. But someone beat him to it.

Edea – the former Sorceress, and more importantly to him, the keeper of the orphanage where his son had been sent – went to talk with Squall, sending the other SeeDs away to cool off their righteous fury. He couldn't hear what they said, but five minutes later, the woman stepped out, a mildly frustrated and pained expression on her face.

She went back to her husband – the former Headmaster of Balamb Garden that had dumped everything on his son's shoulders – and both caught his eye at the same time. Cid broke out in a kindly smile and they both came to him, just as the Galbadian noble took his leave. Great.

“President Loire, how good to see you.” Greeted the man. Laguna did his best to hide the spite from his features. Those two were the ones responsible for keeping his children from him for seventeen years.

_Deep breaths, Laguna, deep breaths. Stay cool, you can't create a diplomatic incident here, no reason to risk starting another war so soon after the last one, just because you want to tear those two bastards a new one. Deep breaths._

“Mr Kramer, Mrs Kramer.” Because there was no way he would call them Headmaster or Matron when they had both done so shitty a job. He might force himself to be polite, but he was allowed a little, petty vengeance. It was pretty tame compared to what he wanted to do.

He stayed silent, waiting for the couple to speak first. Maybe Squall and he had more in common than people first thought; Laguna was chatty and awkward most of the time, but he tended to go silent and cold when he was seriously irritated.

“So,” Began Edea, the first to yield to the oppressive stillness. “How are things going between you and Squall? That child can be so contrary sometimes.” She bemoaned with an affected mien. “Just look at his relationship with Rinoa. That girl is a saint for putting up with his moods for so long. Hopefully they will get back together soon; she's good for him.” She prattled like a proud mother talking about her son going through his teenage rebellion.

That attitude, combined with her words set Laguna off. How dare that woman behave like she was Squall's mother?! Squall was _his_ son, his and _Raine's_ , and he would have been able to raise him had the bitch and her lazy ass of a husband done their job and reunited them, or even just talked about him!

He felt himself go frosty, and it must have shown because the two bastards stiffened slightly. Good. “I am getting along fine with Squall; just because you can't manage to communicate with him doesn't mean others can't either. As for his relation with Rinoa, they were never a couple to begin with, whatever she or her friends might have told you. You all should stop hounding him and leave him his privacy. You're not his mother.” He added, just because he could.

He left before either of them could regain their bearings. They could think what they wanted from that conversation, he didn't care. He would make sure to avoid them from now on though, unless his job forced them to meet. But that might not happen any time soon, given Cid's reluctance to take back his seat as Headmaster.

He stayed a couple minutes by the bar, to make sure his temper was back to its normal state, and then he headed towards the balcony Squall had commandeered.

Time to speak with his son.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys were asking for bi-monthly updates and your reviews were awesome (seriously, you are amazing), so here it is, but I should warn you : I only have three more chapters ready (bar a little editing) and I have a lot of trouble following a posting schedule. You get two months or regular updates, but I can't promise anything after that.
> 
> This chapter is mostly because I'm convinced Laguna has plenty of life experience to share with all the traveling he's done, but has trouble expressing it in a reasonable, logical way. So here's Laguna's Awkward Life Advice.

Squall was having a dreadful evening.

Having to attend a ball full of so-called important people and their bloated egos was already bad, but his friends had kept pestering him to dance with Rinoa and make up with her. He sent them on their way repeatedly with a few choice words, until the Sorceress herself barged in and attempted to forcefully drag him on the dance floor.

Of course, he had snapped and told her that there was no way he would ever dance with her again. They had quarreled until Rinoa had yielded and left, tears of frustration and humiliation streaming down her cheeks.

Matron had found nothing better to do than lecture him on his attitude towards his 'girlfriend'. His temper had already been lit, so when she tried to sermon him, he had clearly told her to leave him alone and to go bother someone else. She had been upset, but thank Hyne, she had left him alone.

So when he heard footsteps, he naturally snapped at the incoming annoyance. “Go away if you don't want to become an icicle.”

“Hyne, that sounds painful! I'd rather stay warm and cozy, thank you very much.” Came a familiar silly voice.

Despite himself, Squall felt himself relaxing slightly. As moronic as Laguna could be, he wouldn't nag him about Rinoa. He dispelled the Blizzaga playing on his fingers (almost solely for intimidating purposes, he swears) when he saw the head of his father pop from behind the curtain.

He nodded, which the man correctly interpreted as his permission to stay.

“Tough day, huh.” Observed the President of Esthar before continuing. “You don't have to tell me anything about what's bothering you if you don't want to, but just know that if you ever want to talk or even sit in silence, you can always count on me.”

Squall stared at the man, weighing his sincerity. Laguna seemed honest, and wasn't pushing him to share his thoughts. That was the reason he actually offered a shrugged reply. “It's silly.”

“It always does look silly from the outside, doesn't it? But just because some people think it's ridiculous and not worth worrying about doesn't mean it's unimportant. Look at my days in the Galbadian army. Ages ago, I know. Anyway, my superior officer kept sending Kiros, Ward and me on scouting missions. I think he mostly wanted to get us as far away from him as possible, don't know why though.

So, there was this one mission in a cave, don't remember where exactly, but that place gave me a pretty bad vibe. It was all those glowing mushrooms over the walls, they were creeping me out, but my commanding officer said it was nothing and called me a coward, and Ward and Kiros just laughed at me for being scared of mushrooms.

We went in, of course, because everyone convinced me I was being silly, but I just couldn't get rid of this itch to get out as fast as I could. Long story short, at one point, we ended up hitting one of the mushrooms, that released some kind of gas, or spore, or something, and we stated hallucinating things. I have no idea how we managed to make our way out while I was seeing glittery green chocobos singing opera, Ward thought he was chased by Estharian soldiers with tutus and glowing feet, and Kiros was waltzing around for some reason that he still refuses to talk about today. And believe me when I tell you that I've tried to wheedle it out of him.”

Laguna laughed, before he shrugged with a sheepish smile. “Anyway, what I was trying to say was that even if something you feel seems silly to others doesn't mean it's not important. If it matters to you, then it is.”

Squall could feel the corners of his mouth twitch upwards. Trust the man to give life lessons wrapped into a nonsensical and awkward anecdote about his adventures.

Laguna kept babbling about one story after another, clearly not expecting Squall to give his input or even to be really listening. It gave the young man much needed time to think – he had not gotten a lot recently, between mind-numbing paperwork and his friends' pestering about Rinoa.

' _I believe you can confide you thoughts to him._ ' Supplied Shiva. ' _He cares about you, and would listen to anything you wish to share. It might do you good to have the advice of another human not obsessed with pairing you with the Sorceress. Someone who could give you an objective and fair opinion._ '

He supposed she had a point. He could use someone else's advice. The problem was that he had never needed to pour his heart out to anyone in years (since he was a kid, really) and he wasn't sure how to go about it. He frowned in concentration, trying to find the right words to communicate his troubles.

Laguna must have caught his struggle, because he stopped talking and waited in silence for Squall to begin. Thankfully, the older man didn't try to help Squall by speaking first and let the long seconds patiently flow by.

“Did you-” Started the gunblader, words stumbling awkwardly out of his mouth. “It's just- I mean, have you ever felt like-” He was having difficulties expressing the helpless feeling that had overcome him several times during the last month. Words were never his forte, but he kept trying. “Like the people around you are trying to push you to- to force you to fit into a mold where you don't fit?” He eventually managed to mumble. He thought Laguna would not understand his stuttered question and was about to call it quits with a 'Whatever' when he saw his father's unsmiling expression.

It was usually easy to forget that the goofy man had been the one to lead Esthar out of Adel's reign and had been repeatedly reelected ever since, but the keen stare he was aiming at Squall let the brunet catch a glimpse of the fighter and fearsome politician the President could be. That look reminded him of the face he saw every time he looked into a mirror, and for the first time, he clearly saw the resemblance between him and his father.

Laguna nodded slowly in understanding. “In the army, I had to be a good little soldier that followed orders to the letter, even if the instructions were to attack innocent civilians. In Winhill, I was expected to fit into the small backwater village life and settle for being a shopkeeper or a farmer. In Esthar, when I was first elected President, I was told in so many words by the older politicians that I was to be a figurehead, with no true power and to let them do things like they wanted, the way things had always been done.”

He went to lean on the wall besides Squall, his eyes lost in his memories. “But you know what? I more or less deserted the army after I was injured. I couldn't stand the thought of returning. In Winhill, I tried to be like the regular villagers, but I couldn't, and I eventually decided to fight the monsters nearby instead, although that meant most of the locals would never accept me. And after witnessing how badly the politicians were handling the situation in Esthar, how it would only be a matter of years before another dictator arose, I chose not to let them walk all over me and to do my best to improve the lives of the citizens instead of just my own.

To continue your metaphor, I'd say there are two kinds of people. Those that can bend and twist themselves to fit in the shape they are assigned, and those that are inflexible and can assume no other shape than their own. Like rubber and rock. I'm not saying that one type is better than the other, or happier, just different. And the unyielding ones, the rocks, they either break under the pressure and let other people pick up their pieces to fill in the mold, or they leave to find another shape where they fit.”

He looked at Squall for the first time since starting his tirade. “I can't bend, not for long. If I don't like my place or the role people try to impose on me, I just don't agree and find another place for myself. Sometimes, I might force myself to stay at first, but I eventually always end up looking elsewhere. I need some kind of excitement in my life and I don't do well with routines. Your mom knew that when she married me, but the other villagers couldn't accept it, that's why they didn't like me ; I refused to become one of them. And despite appearances, being President is all but dull. There is always a new crisis to deal with, new people to meet, not to mention the occasional assassination attempt. It keeps things interesting!” He grinned, some of the regular boisterous Laguna returning.

“Anyway, I've gotta go now. It's a reception organized by Esthar, I can't leave for too long. I hope I've been of some help. As always, feel free to contact me if you want to talk more about it, or anything else really.” He offered with a smile and a wave of his cellphone, taken out of the pocket of his shirt. “Good evening Squall.” He added, his smile growing a touch more fond.

The President gone, Squall was left alone with his thoughts. The man had given him a lot to ponder.

 _Rubber and rock, huh? I wonder which type I am_.

His GF stayed silent, knowing that this was one thing he needed to figure out by himself. He was already following orders and others expectations by being the acting Headmaster and Commander of Balamb Garden. Could he bend his will and accept the will of others, force himself to change and become something else because they ask? Because they are convinced it was better for him? Or would he eventually break, like a rock under too much pressure? Shatter into tiny pieces that others could build up the way they wanted?

He left the party as discreetly as he could. He was in no mood to speak with anybody anyway. Too many questions were jostling inside his head and too little answers came to him.

Who knew speaking to Laguna could have shaken him so much?

  


()()()()()()

  


Half a week later found Squall leaving his office in a huff. He had too much to think about to do his job properly. This was the fourth time he caught himself going through reports mechanically without retaining anything from them, and this time, he went through eight full documents before realizing it.

He couldn't focus on paperwork anyway, so he might as well go to the training center and slaughter some monsters. Fighting had always helped him find his balance and blow off some steam, he could only hope it would also help him figure out what to conclude from Laguna's words.

He had noticed at once that the older man had never told him what to do, but had simply talked of his own experience and his opinion on people. He had not even said what kind of person he thought Squall was – rubber or rock. In a way, he was grateful for that, because it meant the man wasn't trying to push him to do anything and trusted he would make the right call (unlike his friends, who were still whining about his attitude towards Rinoa). But on the other hand, it meant he had to decide by himself what to do, if he even did anything, which was pretty difficult.

He had never felt so keenly how all of the major events and decisions in his life had been made by someone else. He was sent to Matron after becoming an orphan by the people of Winhill (who also decided to keep him away from his father). Edea and Cid chose to send Sis away. He came to Balamb after being transferred from the orphanage through no choice of his, just because all the kids were sent away and no-one had adopted him (or Seifer). He became a SeeD because that was expected of him with his fighting ability, and because that was the only way to stay in his home at Garden. He was appointed acting Commander and later Headmaster by Cid (and Hyne had he not wanted that!).

He became friends with the people he had grown up with and nobody else apart from Rinoa, who was a customer at first and into whose arms everybody was pushing him. And now he was still only friends with the 'Orphanage Gang' as Selphie had dubbed it (conveniently forgetting to count Seifer among them, even though he was the one Squall had always had around him).

It felt like his life was advancing on tracks and he had no way of changing directions.

He made a detour by his room to fetch his gunblade. Since he was stuck on desk duty, he saw no need to carry Lion Heart everywhere with him, the large glowing blue blade more of a bother than a help.

That thought gave him pause. Since when had his trusted weapon become a hindrance in his head? It was his most prized possession, for Hyne's sake. Becoming a gunblade wielder instead of using a more conventional weapon was one of the only important choices he actually made by himself. He decided on the spot to always carry it with him from now on, hidden with his spells in the dimension where GF dwelt until he summoned it. He was a fighter, not a paper-pusher, and he needed to remember that!

He headed towards the training area, making sure to stick to the shadows and to avoid any cadets, SeeDs or instructors. Quistis and Xu were already sure to chew him out when they realized that he left his office, he didn't want anyone else to lecture him before he had a chance of beating some T-Rexaurs into bloody pulp.

He reached the entrance of the jungle-like area without encountering anyone – classes were still in session. Now to find himself a few T-Rexaurs out of the thousand of Grats...

Eighty-four Grats later and still no larger game in sight. He was starting to assume that the bigger (and apparently smarter, although smarter than an overgrown plant isn't much) preys were purposefully avoiding him. He was heading back when a group of young cadets was escorted inside by their instructor.

He hid behind a tree, really not up to hearing what those kids had to say to him. Yes, it was a bit undignified, but he had already had too many encounters with 'fans', and he was not eager to repeat the experience. His hideout allowed him to overhear the cadets talking.

“Why do we have to learn to use guns? It's not like any of us want to chose handguns as our weapon.” Complained a bratty blond girl. Squall realized it was already the time of the year where new cadets had to decide on the weapon they would wield. Squall had picked the gunblade immediately – as did Seifer – because it was the most difficult one to master. It was the perfect option to prove themselves and to continue their rivalry.

They had mostly learned by themselves, because Garden didn't have a gunblade expert. It had involved a lot of trial and error, plenty of dedication and discipline and even more duels – both authorized and off the record. Because of that, Squall and Seifer had spent more time with each other than they ever did with anyone else, Raijin and Fuujin included.

“Yeah.” Agreed another cadet, a boy this time. “Guns are pretty lame, but the instructor says it's to give us a taste of long ranged weapons. We'll have other lessons with bare hands, daggers, swords and spears.” He explained patiently, sounding remarkably like Quistis, so much so that Squall suspected he was quoting her.

“I can't wait to try swords!” Cheered another boy. “It's too bad we won't be allowed to try out gunblades until we're actually picking our weapon. I hope they have planned enough for everybody, at least half the class wants to chose the gunblade, like the Commander.”

“Yeah, and when we become SeeD, we'll fight evil Sorceresses and their Knights at the Commander's side!” Shouted a third boy excitedly.

That last outburst caught the attention of the instructor, who called the cadets to attention, allowing Squall to slip out of the training area in a rush.

He needed some air. Out of Balamb Garden. Now.

  


()()()()()()

  


It was only when he reached the woods between the Garden and Balamb that he allowed himself to stop running and to think.

He wasn't even sure what had upset him so badly. Was it the casual disregard of the importance of his weapon of choice? The gunblade had not just been a blade to him. It had been a way of life of sorts, and still was, which was why he had been so distraught to see how he had treated Lion Heart of late. The gunblade had been the manifestation of his goals; to master the weapon would have been his way into SeeD. It was also what tied him so closely to Seifer.

Or was it the way these kids imagined a SeeD's life to be so romantic? SeeDs were mercenaries first of all. They were not heroes, or even necessarily the good guys. While there were some businesses where Garden refused to help, it still sold its services to any cause for the right price, no matter the righteousness or the fairness of the contract. It even handled assassination without asking questions as long as the money was enough. There was nothing romantic about it, and it usually ended with a brutal, lonely death far from home.

Then there was how Seifer's life was reduced to the role of evil Knight to a demented Sorceress. Seifer had been a large presence in Garden since its founding – he and Squall were among the first to study there, although they had been much younger than the others. They were six and five years old respectively when they were transfered while the other cadets were twelve at the youngest and had chosen to become mercenaries. And now all that was remembered of the blond was his participation on the wrong side of the war. Even the fact that his actions had been dictated by the spell Ultimecia had cast on him was forgotten, making Seifer a sinister criminal in the eyes of the public rather than the vibrant arrogant young man he was.

No, if he was honest with himself, he knew what had felt so wrong. He hated the way those kids had looked up to him like some sort of hero. He was no hero, he had led people – kids no older than those cadets – in battle, had issued orders that had resulted in their death. He had been in the right place at the right time to act multiple times, but in the end his luck had been as crucial as his skill, if not more. There was nothing to idolize in him, apart from perhaps his dedication to his blade and his GF, which were not what others saw.

People saw the strong Commander who led Garden and had defeated Ultimecia, but they did not know his struggles, on the battlefield or in his head, and he was growing tired of being dehumanized. He was tired of handling every problem, from the tiniest to the overwhelming. He was tired of pretending that he felt fine to his friends and everyone else when in reality, he felt like he was drowning.

He leaned on a tree and let himself slip to the ground. The paperwork could wait. Quistis and the others could wait. He was taking a much needed nap, trusting his GF to wake him up if a monster approached.

  


()()()()()()

  


Two hours or so later, he was heading back to Garden. He felt well-rested for the first time in weeks, and his mind was clear. Putting some distance between Garden and himself for a while had done him a world of good.

A random student almost pounced on him as soon as he stepped in. “Commander, there you are!” He cried, his eyes almost wild in panic softening in relief. “Everyone had been looking for you for a couple hours, but we couldn't find you anywhere. Headmaster Cid called for you, he's waiting in his office on the top floor. I'll go tell everyone else that you've been found.” He smiled and jogged away to spread the good news.

Squall was not very eager to talk to Cid (who was currently not Headmaster despite what the cadet and the man himself might say. Squall could attest to that), but he also knew he couldn't delay any longer. From the look of things, he had been summoned almost immediately after he had left the school. And what was with the place's reaction to his 'disappearance'? The Commander left for a couple hours – during times of peace might he add – and they panic and run around like headless chicken? It was like when NORG wanted to capture Cid all over again...

He reluctantly took the elevator to the top floor. It was still Cid's office, although these days it was unused more often than not. Squall's own office was actually a deserted classroom that had been re-purposed for his needs. Since it was decided that Balamb Garden would stay in one place for now, the steering commands had been pulled back underground (although a switch stayed in the office to summon them without having to send someone in the bowels of Garden).

He knocked at the door, steeling himself for yet another grueling talk. A voice called for him to enter, which he did with one last strengthening breath.

Inside were waiting not only Cid and Edea, but also Quistis, Xu, Rinoa, Zell, Selphie and Irvine. The whole pestering gang in one room. That didn't bode well; the only times they had all gathered together were for the occasional meetings with important figures or to harass him into doing something – these days, it was going out with Rinoa.

“Ah Squall!” Greeted Cid. “You're here, we can finally begin!” He smiled benevolently. At least those eight had not gone insane with panic as soon as he was not found and they didn't seem inclined to berate him for leaving his job unfinished or ask him where he'd been. For now. Small mercies.

“I've called you all here to share wonderful news. It is time for some change in Garden.” The older man took a deep, satisfied breath, exhaled slowly with a beaming smile, like he had worked his ass off during the last weeks and was finally savoring the fruits of his labor.

“Now, for the first declaration. Due to his participation in the war against Edea, I now make Irvine Kineas an official member of SeeD. For the same reasons, Rinoa Heartilly is now a privileged friend of Garden, and will always be welcome in its walls.” Irvine was standing at attention and nodded in acceptance and thanks. His eyes were twinkling and his lazy grin reached his ears. Rinoa smiled in gratitude, but her eyes only briefly looked at Cid before focusing back on Squall, who felt like she was trying to bore a hole in his skull. He ignored her as best he could.

There was an official feeling to Cid's words that had Squall's stomach plummeting. And the man was not finished. “I will return today as Headmaster for a few years, but I nominate Quistis Trepe as my successor and I will use this time to train her to take my place.” The young woman bowed, a satisfied expression on her face, but no surprise, unlike Rinoa and Irvine. She had been warned in advance.

Squall had hoped that this would be the last piece of news, but then Cid turned towards him. “And of course, I appoint Squall Leonhart as official Commander of Garden. Congratulations to you all.” He grinned.

Squall's friends cheered and hugged each other. Matron and Cid stayed to the side, smiling happily at the joy of the children they had seen grow up.

Xu was glowering at him. For sure, she had thought that she would be the one to become Commander when someone was officially appointed at long last. Honestly, it would have only been fair; she had the experience, the leadership skills and the will. She wanted to become the head of SeeD, whereas Squall...

Squall was honestly not sure if he wanted to accept the promotion.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo, apparently, I have trouble handling a bi-monthly updating schedule. Sorry. Since I obviously can't commit to anything, just know that there will be _at least_ one chapter a month, maybe two, but no promises.  
> (Truth be told, I realized I hadn't posted this chapter two days ago, but by then it seemed a little pointless, so I waited until today. And since today also happens to be my birthday, you can't be angry at me! No, I swear, you can't... please?)

“What would happen if I declined the promotion?”

The eight other people in the room turned as one to look at Squall like he had just asked to be immolated wearing one of Selphie's dresses. They didn't seem to understand the meaning behind his words and just stared in bewilderment.

Squall himself wasn't too sure where the question came from, but now that it was out, he was not taking it back. It was a legitimate inquiry after all.

“Why would you want to decline?” Asked Matron back after regaining her bearings, as though it was the single most ridiculous thing she'd ever heard. The others were still mostly blinking and gaping at Squall.

He shrugged. “Curiosity.” He evaded her question; they would probably not be happy to learn that he had been seriously reconsidering his place in Garden these days. Apart from Xu, who went back to glowering at him. Did she think he was taunting her with his inquiries? Why else would she be so furious with him when she clearly wanted his newly appointed job?

“Well-” Started Cid, searching for an answer while still staring at Squall like he had gone insane. “It would depend on your reasons for declining I guess.” He looked shrewdly at the young man that has been his student for the longest after Seifer left. “If it's because of something silly like feelings of inadequacy, we would of course do our best to show you that you deserve everything you earned.”

So _this_ was what they thought was troubling him as of late? Squall could hear Diablos scoff in derision in his head. Had they never thought that, just maybe, this was not what he wanted?

He hated exposing his thoughts, but perhaps now was the time to make some things clear. He thought his attitude made it obvious, but they apparently needed him to say it out loud.

“There are plenty of things I don't like about being Commander, sir. I would have to find and speak to clients and potential customers for one. You handle it for now, but if I'm officially appointed I'll have to do it myself and I am not comfortable in social interactions.

I wouldn't go on any more field missions, but fighting is the part I enjoy the most about SeeD. Instead, I will be filling paperwork all day when I'm not on meetings, and sending people in my place on missions. I don't want to be responsible for the lives of kids I don't even know personally, sir.

Lastly, I should not be your first choice for the job. I'm still technically a rookie, I haven't even made SeeD for a year. Xu here, for instance, would be a much better option.” Said woman looked shocked to be praised like that. What? Did she think that he couldn't recognize talent in others? “She's qualified, has led SeeD operations for years and I don't think she would mind becoming Commander.”

The silence in the Headmaster's office was so heavy that one could hear a mosquito fly. Squall was almost positive that the others were not breathing anymore.

“B-But-” Started Selphie. “What are saying, Squall?! It's the dream of any SeeD to reach the top, you can't just throw it away like that!”

Squall didn't reply. It was not what he wanted, and he felt he has already justified his opinion more than enough.

“Squall, you need to stop being ridiculous.” Went Quistis. She was attempting to use reason against him. “While I admit there are some drawbacks to being Commander, there are also plenty of advantages. Like the salary or the prestige. You owe it to yourself, after everything you went through with Ultimecia. Besides, you've managed great so far, there's no reason to believe you'll not do a fantastic job now that it's become official.”

“And think of how disappointed everyone else will be if you decline, man.” Added Zell. “All the cadets look up to you as their hero! They dream of becoming SeeD under _your_ command, not Xu's.” The woman bristled at the blond's words, but stayed silent. She didn't try to argue either against or for Squall, which was probably the smartest tactic. “And the actual SeeD feel the same! Garden's been doing so well because _you've_ been leading it, and everybody knows it!”

The gunblader just looks dispassionately at them. Why couldn't they understand that he just didn't want the promotion? How would _they_ react if they were the ones forced to sit in an office and review mountains of paperwork when they could be fighting and risking their lives? A desk work had never figured among his prospective futures.

“Is this some form of depression?” Inquired Irvine after a moment. Squall couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at his odd question. “You've been even more withdrawn lately, and none of your personal decisions make much sense. I can't help thinking that there's something affecting you. I'd say it's your sudden breakup with Rinoa that's bothering you more than you let out, but you're too proud to admit it. You two are perfect for one another.”

“Perhaps you should rethink your decision to decline for a few days.” Agreed Rinoa with a soft, soothing tone, like he was a rabbit ready to bolt at the slightest scare. “Long enough for us to work out our issues. I'm aware I've not been the best girlfriend by leaving you to deal with things on your own, but you have to admit that your attitude was not helping either.” Irvine, Selphie, Zell and Quistis nodded emphatically. “When you've regained your proper mind, I'm sure you'll realize how incredible such a promotion is for someone of your age.

And don't forget, Squall, you're my Knight, meaning you swore to protect me to the best of your abilities. Being Commander of Garden would grant you a lot of authority that you could use to keep me safe.” She smiled in what Squall guessed was a flirtatious way. “Come one, let's go on a date, to make things like they were before.”

_Does she_ still _think we're together?! That we're friends?! Didn't she get the point after the last time we argued? And people tell me I'm dense..._

In his mind, his GF were just as baffled as him by the sheer nerve of his friends and Rinoa.

“There is another side you've not considered.” Says Matron out of nowhere. Squall had even forgotten she was there. “SeeD was created to fight evil Sorceresses and other threats to the world. As such, it needs the best of the best to operate it, and you, Squall, happen to be the best option as Commander. You're a good leader, and you're also a Knight, which gives you a protection against the mind-altering powers of some Sorceresses. Who better to be at the head of Garden? I would sleep much better at night knowing that SeeD is led by someone as righteous as you.”

Now _that_ was a low blow. Edea was using their shared experience against a Sorceress to try and guilt trip him into accepting. He hadn't expected that from the woman who had raised him, and the shock was what eventually loosened his lips.

“I still don't see why I couldn't stay a field agent. I only accepted the job of Commander because it was supposed to be temporary. I've no interest in keeping it.”

“It doesn't matter if you're interested or not.” Burst Cid. He seemed to be getting tired of arguing what was an already made decision. “You _will_ remain Commander, Squall, that's not negotiable. You've already become the public face of Garden. Everyone knows you are the leader of SeeD, and it would be terrible for our image if you were to go down in rank all of a sudden.”

“I didn't ask to become Garden's face.” Argued the gunblader angrily. Frost crept over the floor starting from his feet, and his friends took a step back, finally sensing his irritation, but Cid and Matron either didn't notice or thought themselves above his fury. “ _You're_ the ones that decided that for me without my input. I never wanted to be known or to attend to any of your ridiculous gatherings!”

“It was for the good of Garden!” Replied the older man heatedly. “You make a good representative of SeeD; you're young, rather good looking, and most of all, your relation with the President of Esthar makes us appear in a better light to the other countries, making them more eager to form contracts with us in the hopes of getting in Esthar's good graces. Not to mention the country itself who loves its President and you by extension. Keeping you as leader of SeeDs is not only because you're great at it, but also a tactical move to attract more customers! So no, I won't accept your refusal to step down.”

“And what if I still refuse?” Demanded Squall through clenched teeth. He was just as pissed by Cid's attitudes and taken liberties as by the way his friends just stood by and basically let him be used against his wishes. Why? Did they honestly think he didn't know what he wanted? What he needed? Some friends they were; maybe he should have stuck to his old resolve and not let anyone close, it would have spared him this betrayal.

“Then I would have to expel you out of SeeD and Garden.” Answered Cid with a finality that implied he thought he had won. The shocked gasps but unafraid eyes of the others told him they believed the same. Squall would never leave Garden. It was his home, the only one he remembered, where he had lived since he was a young boy until now, when he was seventeen. And he had worked almost as long to become a SeeD; it had been his ultimate goal, like many cadets, but even more extreme in his case. Probably since it was the only way for him to stay in his home, and it was the way he had been raised. The life of a mercenary was the only one he'd ever known, the only career he ever envisioned for himself.

The gunblader could read these thoughts in the eyes of everyone present since they went through his head as well. He was just as astounded by Cid's ultimatum. How could he leave everything behind? He had no other choice but to give in and accept the role of Commander, of _poster boy_ for SeeD.

But then he recalled his latest discussion with Laguna. About people who could bend and still be happy, and people who would break before fitting in the mold. Rubber and rock. And suddenly, he knew clearly in which category he belonged.

The decision he had to take became so obvious, like when he had known immediately that he would pick up the gunblade when he had been presented with various weapons. Like when he had resolved to fight Ultimecia to the end after the Lunar Cry. There simply was no other option in his mind.

_Is it fine by you?_ He asked to his GF. Since there was no way they would part from him, they were just as impacted by his choice as he was.

He immediately received feelings of approval from Eden and Tonberry. Carbuncle chirped cheerfully and Leviathan hummed his agreement. ' _Naturally. We will support you in your decision, whatever it may be._ ' Replied Shiva. ' _And this particular choice has been a long time coming._ '

_They might try to take you from me._ Warned Squall. Shiva especially had been a property of Balamb Garden when he had first junctioned her.

He felt her bristle in icy wrath. ' _Let them try._ ' She growled, the threat clear. She would not be parted from her favorite human. The gunblader felt contradictorily warmed by her display of affection.

' _Yeah, yeah, that's nice and all, but could you please get this thing started?_ ' Drawled Diablos. ' _The sooner we're out of here the better. I'm getting tired of seeing their dumb faces._ '

Concealing a smile, Squall could only agree. His mind was made up and he would still have the undying support of his GF. He focused back on the Headmaster's office and its occupants. “In that case, sir, I resign from SeeD.” he announced, his face impassive.

For the second time in less than an hour, he was the object of bewildered stares. Then Zell burst out laughing.

The guffaws died a quick death when the blond realized that Squall was not smiling back. “Wha- you can't be serious, man! You can't just _quit_ SeeD.”

“I can and I am. This is my formal resignation. I know I don't need to fill any paperwork for it if I state it in front of three or more faculty members. Quistis, Xu and Cid count, which means that from this moment, I am no longer a SeeD.” At least the days perusing every detail of the Garden regulations were finally proving useful.

He kept talking, else someone try to stop him. They had tried to force him in a corner, to force him to bend to their will. But Squall was not rubber, and he had no intention of breaking, so he leaves. It was as simple as that, and if they were displeased with the end result, it was their problem, not his. Not anymore. “I will retrieve by belongings immediately, and will leave Balamb Garden at once.” He concluded with a nod – he consciously avoided making a SeeD salute.

He turned on his heels and strode out, intent on leaving before the wide eyes and agape mouths turned into frowns and sneers. He knew enough about his friends (probably former friends now) to be able to guess that his decision will anger them. They will feel like he just betrayed them when in reality, they had betrayed him first.

He miraculously reached his room without encountering anyone, the students being still in class. It was only the beginning of the afternoon. He pulled a duffel bag from under his bed and stuffed it with his clothes. He never had much in his room anyway, and most of it didn't belong to him but to Garden. His clothes were to his name, as well as his gunblade and gunblade case. The furniture was standard Garden issue. His cellphone was technically his own as well. Laguna had gifted the first finished products to the six individuals that had defeated Ultimecia as a symbol of Esthar's gratitude, but he had given them to them personally, not to Garden. Knowing his father a bit better now, Squall couldn't help but suspect that it had been intentional; a way to thank the individuals, but not the institution behind them.

He slipped his phone and credit cards in the inner pocket of his bag, slang the strap of his gunblade case over his shoulder and he was ready to go. Lion Heart was already hidden in his junctions.

Of course, his time of blissful solitude was interrupted as he neared the entrance of Balamb Garden.

“Where do you think you're going?” Roared Zell, always the loudest of the bunch, although Quistis, Irvine, Selphie, Rinoa and Xu looked just as incensed.

No point even trying to shoulder past them without answering. “I'm leaving, like I told you.” He deadpanned. “I already resigned, you can't stop me.”

“Yes we can if you're escaping with Garden's possessions.” Replied Xu. The bitch could cut him some slack, he left her the job of her dreams after all. “Leave everything you're trying to steal here before leaving, Leonhart.”

At least none of them were stupid enough to deny him his right to resign and leave. He would have had to let Lion Heart speak otherwise. “Everything I took with me belongs to me, Wang.” He replied coolly, using her surname. Nobody ever called her by it because she didn't like it for some reason, but he wasn't feeling charitable today.

“Your gunblade is Garden-issued.” She pointed. The rest of his former friends just stood there like he had personally offended them. Quistis was even fingering her whip. “And you will have to let go of you GF and magics. Your cellphone was also gifted to Garden.”

Did she really think he would fall for that? “My cellphone was gifted by the president of Esthar to 'Squall Leonhart', not Balamb. It is therefore _mine_.” She frowned, but couldn't deny his explanation. Good, because he wasn't finished.

“I paid for my first gunblade with money I had earned myself, and I returned the Garden-issued one immediately, you can check the registers. Every gunblade I have wielded since was bought with my money, making them _mine_.

None of the para-magic I carry were gathered following orders from Garden, but rather on my own initiative, same goes for Diablos, Carbuncle, Leviathan, Tonberry and Eden. So they are _not_ Garden property, and you can't take them from me.”

“That leaves Shiva.” Observed Quistis, a hint of a sadistic smirk playing on her lips. She knew how close he was to his beloved Ice Queen. Squall even suspected her of feeling jealous of the frozen goddess on occasion.

There was no way he was leaving his closest companion behind, they would have to fight him first. “Shiva has an extremely high compatibility with me, and she refuses to go to another user. Try drawing her if you don't believe me. If you still attempt to junction her to another host, she will purposefully refuse to synchronize with them, resulting in an drastically poor compatibility.”

They all understood the threat. GF did not necessarily steal the memories of their users; that only happened when the host and the GF were not compatible enough. Squall had lost his childhood memories not to Shiva, with whom he had always been close, but to Quezacotl, who was thunder-oriented and therefore not at all compatible with him. He was currently synchronized enough with all six of his GF that he was not at risk of losing any more memories.

If Shiva refused to synchronize with her next host and actively made sure they lost as much memories as possible, Garden could not afford to junction her to any of its SeeDs or cadets. Now that the harmful side-effects of GF were known far and wide and scientifically proven, they could not risk the scandal it would cause. Not to mention that an uncooperative GF was a serious liability in battle.

Squall suddenly felt someone try to draw Shiva from him. He heard her hiss furiously in his mind and retaliate with a wave of icy energy. Irvine shuddered out of the blue, designating him as the culprit of the attempted theft. Squall glared at him. “You just proved my point; Shiva does _not_ want to part from me, and you will gain nothing by trying to force her apart from a gunblade to the face and a serious case of frostbite. Let it go.”

“You're still my Knight!” Shrieked Rinoa, he was surprised she had waited so long to make her opinion known. “You have to stay with me!”

He swiveled around to look at her in the eyes with his cold stare. She flinched, but held his gaze defiantly. “I quit.” He drawled. “It was never meant to last, Rinoa, and I warned you several times to find yourself another Knight. You didn't listen to me, it's your loss.”

As he talked, he felt the bond between him and Rinoa fray dangerously, but it kept hanging on to him desperately, fueled by the Sorceress' refusal to let him go. His GF took care of it with a burst of gleeful power. They had never liked sharing his mind with the intruding link.

Rinoa startled violently when he was finally free of her, but the shock seemed to thankfully steal the words out of her mouth. He wasn't overly worried about her; there were plenty of people in Balamb that would gladly step up as her boyfriend, maybe even as her Knight. She would replace him fast now that she would actually be looking.

He turned to face Xu again, she looked pissed that all her attempts to hinder him and make him leave his belongings had failed. “I've only got clothes, my credit cards and my cellphone in my bag. I'm no longer a SeeD or a cadet. You have no more reason to stop me, so goodbye.”

“You can't take Garden's vehicles!” Reminded Quistis, in one last petty effort to make his life complicated. Too bad for her, he had never intended to (all Garden vehicles had a chip and could be tracked remotely), and left through the front gate by foot without looking back.

He reached Balamb without issues, the few monsters stupid enough to get in his way fell to his gunblade without him breaking a sweat. Months of sitting in an office with little physical activity had not dulled his abilities.

_Now what?_ He wondered as he sat on a bench in one of the town's little parks. _What do I do with myself now?_

His GF didn't have an answer for him, but he wasn't afraid. He had skills, and there would always be a place for fighters, even if only in the army.

In fact, instead of suffering from anxiety or dread, he had never felt so light and free in is life before. No more responsibilities, no more pressure to succeed, no more fear of failure... Although if he didn't want to be followed and kept under watch by Garden agents, he would have to move on fast.

Maybe he would travel around for a while. He wasn't really the adventurous kind, but it might do him good to expand his horizons. The only life he had ever known was that of a Garden cadet and SeeD, and running from one corner of the world to another during missions had not exactly given him a good taste of different cultures, only a vague idea. Plus, he had more than enough money to last for years; if there had been one positive point about being Commander, it was the paycheck. In three months, he had earned more than the average SeeD in three years, and his rookie salary had already been pretty high before Cid had forcefully promoted him.

But where would he go? He didn't have any place that he wanted to visit. He could just wander around, but he didn't like the idea of simply drifting without a goal. It wasn't in his nature not to have an aim or a purpose pushing him forward. He had to find an aspiration before moving on. He wasn't like Laguna, who would just go from one place to another to see the sights and write articles about them.

Speaking of Laguna, perhaps he should inform him of the latest development? It had been the man's advice that had helped him decide to finally say no, and he knew that the President was invested in his wellbeing. It was only fair to tell him that they would no longer meet on parties.

He fished his phone out of his duffel bag and typed a message to his father – who was listed as Laguna. ' _I quit Garden when they tried to force me to stay as Commander. Turns out I can't bend after all. No longer a SeeD, so you won't see me at meetings anymore._ '

He sent it and went to look at the timetable at the train station when his cellphone beeped. It had only been a handful of minutes since he had sent his own message, he had not expected Laguna to reply so fast, knowing the amount of work the man had to do daily.

' _Good for you._ ' Was written, followed by a circular face smiling broadly at him. ' _What are you going to do from now on?_ ' And there was another face looking at him curiously with oversized eyes. Sometimes, he truly wondered if the man was leader of the most advanced country on the world or an eight-year-old in an adult's body. Most of the time, he figured he was both.

' _Don't know. Getting away from Garden for now. They were not pleased and I don't want to be tailed._ '

' _How about coming to Esthar?_ ' The reply was almost instantaneous. ' _To give you time to figure out where to go next. There's always a room for you here._ '


	5. Chapter 5

' _How about coming to Esthar? To give you time to figure out where to go next. There's always a room for you here._ '

Laguna stared at his phone, praying he had not made a mistake by sending his last message. His tentative relationship with Squall was based on a lack of expectations from both parties (which had secretly been a relief, since he had no clue how to be a dad to a militaristic 17-years-old, although he would have tried if his son had wanted him to), but mostly on his side. He let Squall choose the distance between them and he never asked for more, although he cherished every detail that he was allowed to discover.

The message had actually not been a plea for more visits from his son, but a genuine offer to let him stay in Esthar for any length of time, no strings attached. He had only realized after hitting the 'send' button that it could be read both ways.

And now Squall was taking an ungodly amount of time to reply.

Laguna fidgeted in his comfy chair. Maybe he had been too insistent. Maybe Squall resented him for the advice he had given that had now pushed him to desert Garden. Maybe the young man would never answer his messages and he will never see him again. Maybe...

The phone on his desk pinged and the surprise mixed with anticipation had him almost throw it across the room in his haste to read Squall's reply.

' _On my way. ETA 2100._ '

The President let out an explosive breath he hadn't known he was holding. Squall was coming! Squall had actually agreed to spend some time near him of his own volition (formal meetings didn't count – he was fairly sure that the young man only attended those under duress) and would arrive in 6 hours!

6 hours was a rather short time to prepare a room in the private area of the presidential palace and to warn all the staff and security of the arrival of a newcomer and that his presence and identity had to remain secret, now that he thought about it...

“Ward!” He called his old friend, knowing the mute giant should be in a nearby room, tending to his duties as butler and handler of all domestic affairs in the palace. Laguna stood up, and almost fell over when his leg seized up in a cramp. “Ward! Ward!” He kept shouting as he slowly but stubbornly advanced towards the door, dragging his stiff leg behind.

He was almost to the exit and had bellowed for his friend over twenty times – why did his office have to be so stupidly big? – when the door slammed open and his two faithful companions barreled inside, weapons out and looking frantically for the enemy.

They relaxed marginally after failing to spot any danger and seeing the sorry state the green-eyed man was in : half bent over, with one hand clamped over his obviously cramped leg. “Laguna!” Scolded Kiros as he straightened from his battle pose. Ward was crossing his arms reprovingly a step behind him. “We thought Adel was back to skin you alive with how you were screaming! What is going on?”

“Big news! Urgent news!” Replied a frenzied President. “Squall is coming soon! In six hours! We have to prepare!”

“I fail to see what the emergency is.” Drawled Kiros. Neither him nor Ward were _moving_ hynedammit! “He can stay in the building reserved for SeeDs, like he always does. It's close enough to the palace that he can visit anytime he wants – _if_ he wants to visit that is.”

“No he can't!” erupted Laguna. Why did they not _get it_?! “I don't know any details, but he quit SeeD after they tried to force him to stay Commander indefinitely. He's not a SeeD anymore!” He could see the light of understanding begin to shine in their eyes. _Finally_! “He's coming to Esthar after I invited him to stay until he figures his future out, but he thinks he's being tailed, and I don't think he wants everyone and their mother to know where he's staying! So he'll have to stay at the palace, where security is tight enough that no word will get out! And with how badly people think we get along, nobody will think to look for him here!”

His friends could at long last appreciate the wisdom of his words. Ward nodded, and Kiros talked. “I see; that changes things. I'll alert security and tell them to let Squall in quietly when he arrives, without raising a fuss or forcing him through the normal gate with all the visitors. It's a good thing everyone knows his face. Ward will deal with the civilian staff.” The giant smiled encouragingly to signify his agreement. “Meanwhile, you _try to calm down_ , Laguna. I rather doubt that your son wants to arrive to see you jumping around and screaming like a child on a sugar high.”

“Right. You're probably right.” Admitted Laguna, who made an effort to stay still and keep his voice even, although his hands were still wriggling aimlessly by his sides. “I'll- I'll do some paperwork until he arrives. But you've got to warn me immediately as soon as he's here!”

“I'll tell you as soon as he steps foot into Esthar.” Promised Kiros. As the one responsible for national defense and security, he certainly would know before anyone else. “Now get some work done. Hyne knows you probably won't be of much use once Squall arrives.” He exited the room, Ward on his heels after one last cheering grin. Sometimes Laguna wondered what he had done to deserve such loyal and steadfast friends.

The journey towards his desk took half as much time as the trip towards the door, his leg cramp having somewhat abated after his friends reassurances. Kiros was right, he might as well finish as much paperwork as he could before Squall arrived. Laguna looked down on the various reports strewn across his desk.

He might not _actually_ have the concentration to get anything done, but hey, trying is half the work, right?

()()()()()()

Squall was already in Fisherman's Horizon when he seriously thought back on his decision to go to Laguna. He had managed not to ponder too much on it on the boat from Balamb, but now that he had half an hour to kill before the first train to Esthar, his mind was going on overdrive.

On the one hand, Laguna was decidedly _not_ the person to go to when you wanted some peace and quiet. Also, since he has accepted the man's offer of help, there might now be expectations for him to further their 'father/son relationship', or whatever bond there was supposed to be between a man and his recently discovered offspring.

On the other hand, Laguna had never asked anything from him, and was unlikely to start now – he seemed to have genuinely understood Squall's reluctance towards close relationships. And even if the older man asked something of him, he had the feeling that it would not be much and it was the least the gunblader could do after barging in on him with nary a warning. Laguna had also quickly learned where his boundaries lied and had already proven that he knew when to leave Squall alone when he needed it.

Plus, the man was probably his only acquaintance that would not question his seemingly impromptu decision to leave SeeD. In fact, it was thanks to one of their nearly one-sided talks that he had managed to make up his mind, which also proved that Laguna was able to give some good advice, when he wanted to.

And even if the situation became unbearable in Esthar, he could always just leave. He had done it in Balamb Garden, the place he had called his home for years, he could certainly do it in Esthar, or rather in the presidential palace, since he was a hundred percent sure that was where Laguna would house him.

Honestly, he had already made his decision, there were way more pros than cons to going to his father, it was only his nerves and his overworked mind that were still bothering him. Until now, his relation with Laguna had been more balanced, neither of them had needed anything from the other, apart perhaps from getting to know them better. Squall was positive that this new development would alter their arrangement in some way, and he was not sure to like the changes.

He shoved the cap he had bought deeper on his head. His disguise was pretty basic : a cap, a longer navy blue coat he had purchased in Balamb with the cap, sunglasses and a green shirt with jeans. The shirt and pants were already his, gifts that Garden proffered to its orphaned students every year for Christmas, he just never wore them because they were now a tad bit too small for him and he much preferred his leather outfit. Problem was that everyone knew him in that getup, so he couldn't wear it without risking someone recognizing him.

The advantage was that in unfamiliar clothes and with his eyes and scar mostly hidden, nobody had looked at him twice. It also helped that the weather was sunny if a bit chilly, making his sunglasses and coat inconspicuous.

He was currently lounging outside a café in FH, waiting for the train towards Esthar to arrive. The train had luckily been one of the first things to be rebuilt once the isolationist country opened its frontiers to others, so there was no need to walk all the way along the railroads like he had done the first time.

The café was also a recent addition, built now that the town was part of a well-traveled road. It clearly catered to tourists and visitors on their way to Esthar, what with its many brochures about the country and its overly bright and glaring appearance. It clashed with the rest of FH and the prices were definitely too high for the locals to visit daily, but their coffee was pretty good, as were their pastries, so Squall didn't mind. Being here, he could blend with the rest of the tourists as well as satisfy his secret sweet tooth. Only one person had ever discovered that little weakness of his, and the bastard had not held back from mocking him for it. Although the blond had apparently had the decency not to reveal it to anyone else, thank Hyne.

Ten minutes before the arrival of the train at the station platform, Squall caught himself people gazing. However, unlike the times he did it years ago, waiting for the students' communal transport between Balamb and Garden, he realized that he was actually scrutinizing the features of the passer-byes as though he was looking for someone among the crowd.

He reasoned that he was subconsciously keeping watch for possible Garden SeeDs tailing him and stood up, leaving a substantial tip for the waitress. Might as well get to the train station now and wait there for his ride if he wanted a good seat.

()()()()()()

It was 8.48 pm when Squall's train finally crossed the Estharian border, and 8.49 when he received a new message from Laguna.

' _The staff's backdoor to the palace is open for you. Security was warned of your arrival, they will let you in. See you soon!_ '

The text was littered with smiling faces and thumbs up, so much so that Squall couldn't help but cringe when he read it. Still, he was grateful for the notification and the fact that he would be allowed in stealthily. He would have been noticed for sure had he entered through the main gate.

Ten minutes later, the train reached the platform and Squall was quick to blend with the crowds of Esthar. No matter the hour, the city always seemed full of life and of people minding their business. Having grown near the rather small coastal town of Balamb, the gunblader systematically had to take a moment to adjust to the sheer liveliness of the place every time he stepped foot there.

Once in the right district, he made his way towards the presidential palace through the small roads, both to avoid being seen entering through the staff's door as to get some distance from the ever noisy crowd. The back streets were not as immaculate as the main roads, but there were nowhere near as seedy as Deling City's, so he saw no need to pull his gunblade from its junction.

As he expected, he reached the back of the palace without a hitch. There were two guards standing by the staff's door, as well as three maids. They were on break and were smoking around a corner while sharing the latest gossip.

Squall was not sure if the civilian staff had been made aware of his arrival and of the secrecy of the whole affair. To stay on the safe side, he hid until the women's break was over and they returned inside before mentally counting a minute. Once his countdown finished, he finally stepped out of his hideout and presented himself before the two guards.

They seemed to recognize him on sight, and Squall reassured himself by recalling that his 'disguise' was intentionally simple and they only identified him because they were expecting him.

“Sir.” Greeted the soldier on the right with a salute that the young man awkwardly returned. It was different from the SeeD one. “We were waiting for you. You are expected in the main conference room. Do you need us to escort you there?”

Squall shook his head to decline the offer – he knew the way. He tried to smile to convey his thanks, though, because the guard seemed genuinely pleased to see and help him. The crooked stretch of his mouth was not exactly a smile, but it must have worked well enough judging from the grin the two soldiers sported when he entered the palace. He was getting more and more nervous as he got closer to his father.

' _At least you don't have leg cramps._ ' Jibed Diablos inside his head. Squall sent him the mental equivalent of a dismissive wave, although he was slightly amused by the reminder. If he was feeling jittery about seeing Laguna, there was no telling how anxious the older man must be.

Squall briskly walked to his father's office, unwilling to risk encountering people by loitering. He didn't meet more than a handful of guards on his way, but he wasn't sure if it was due to his luck or if Laguna had purposefully emptied the building.

When he arrived before the President's office, he received a wave of comforting and supporting feelings from his GF that loosened the knot in his stomach. He knocked. “Enter!” Came a familiar voice.

Inside was Laguna, sitting in front of his desk with an impressive amount of paperwork in front of him. The man looked a bit fretful, but nowhere near as hysterical as Squall had feared. He supposed that as President, he had to have _some_ measure of control over his nerves.

“Squall! It's so good to see you! Take a seat, take a seat!” Offered Laguna with a mix of enthusiasm and frenzy. “I'm glad you made it here. Do you know if you were followed?”

The gunblader shook his head minutely, which his father correctly interpreted. “No tail yet, then. That's good. Anyway, I've asked for a room to be prepared for you in the presidential wing – it's where security is the tightest, so you won't have to worry about any pursuers. You can stay there for as long as you want, and you can leave any time too. Just warn me, please.” He gave a crooked sad smile at the idea, but didn't add anything, for which Squall was thankful. He wouldn't know how to react to tearful pleas for him to remain here.

“The whole staff has been warned of your arrival, both civilian and military. They were all selected for their ability to keep secrets when they were hired, so you're fine on that front. The government officials and other visitors won't know, so you might want to stay away from them if you don't want to be recognized.” Squall nodded his understanding. “I think that's all the urgent information for now. Want me to show you your room?”

The gunblader nodded again, and Laguna smiled before standing up. They walked to the presidential suite with Squall staying silent while the older man babbled about the building or events that took place in it, never once bothering him with tedious small talk like 'did you have a good trip?' or 'how are you?'.

“Here we are.” Announced the green-eyed man, stopping in front of a door. “My room is further down the corridor, next to Kiros' and Ward's. Figured you would like some privacy so we left some distance. Hope that's OK.” Squall nodded once more and Laguna let out an exaggerated sigh of relief. “Good, I was afraid you'd think I wanted to keep you away, because that's not true at all. I just want you to be comfortable here. There's a phone inside that you can use to call the staff if you need anything. They're really nice and they love to be helpful, so don't hesitate.” He paused for a second. “Well- I think that's all. You must be tired, so I'll leave you to set your things. You know where the dinning room is, so see you tomorrow at breakfast!”

It was only as the President walked away that Squall realized that he had yet to say a single word to his father. “Laguna!” He called. The older man turned around to look at him, a puzzled expression on his face. Squall had not thought that far, so he fumbled for something to say. The words fell from his mouth before he had time to ponder them. “Thank you.” He blushed slightly, but on his pale skin, it was hard to miss. “For helping me on such short notice.”

By that he meant not only the room, but also the heartfelt advice and the steadfast, undemanding support. However, he had too much pride and was already too embarrassed to explain further.

His father's expression softened into a fond smile, and the gunblader had the feeling the man had actually caught the underlying meaning to his clumsy words. “It was my pleasure.” He replied, before leaving him alone in the corridor, not waiting for an answer from his socially-awkward son.

Squall could feel a tiny smile work its way to lips at his father's discreet thoughtfulness.

()()()()()()

When he woke up the following day in an unfamiliar room, the enormity of his recent decisions crashed on Squall at once.

Yet he couldn't find it in himself to regret them. He had been stuck in an unbearable situation by his friends and the rest of Garden. He had simply done what he could to escape it, and that meant leaving SeeD altogether. They had not left him any other option.

He stood up and got ready for the day, allowing himself to wear his leather outfit again instead of the uncomfortable and too small disguise. The 'room' that Laguna had assigned him was more a suite than anything else, given it had a small reception room, a bedroom, a dressing room (that stayed completely empty) and a bathroom. Compared to his quarters at Garden, it was ridiculously luxurious. His room as – acting – Commander had been almost as spartan as his regular SeeD apartment except they was a little more empty room. He had never felt the need to decorate, and his meager possessions hardly took that much space.

He found the way to the dinning room without a hitch – he had already been there during official SeeD business. He had briefly feared that there would be people he didn't know at the table, but to his relief, There was only Laguna, Ward and Kiros. He recalled that most politicians and government officials preferred to have their own house away from the Presidential palace, so it made sense for them not to be there at breakfast.

“Good morning.” He forced himself to say, both to announce his presence and to be polite.

Laguna looked up from the empty cup of coffee he had been staring listlessly at. Not a morning person then. “Squall!” He greeted with a bit less cheer than usual due to his tired state. “Good morning to you too. What do you usually take for breakfast?”

He hesitated. “What the cafeteria offers.” He eventually relented, unwilling to admit that he couldn't recognize most of the food on the table. Balamb Garden's cafeteria was notorious for its terrible food, the only passable exception being the hot-dogs, hence the high demand. Mornings consisted of a bland piece of toast with a glass of – regularly stale – orange juice until you turned eighteen and were allowed some of the watery coffee. Unless you took the popular option of bribing an older student to hand you a cup under the table. When he was still Commander, he had planned to change that since it couldn't be healthy, but other, more pressing matters had always monopolized his attention.

Since he had lived in Balamb Garden for as long as he could remember, he had never really tasted other meals, and he had usually forgone breakfast while on missions, especially when they were in the wild and rations were limited.

“They probably don't have a large selection.” Chuckled Kiros, who seemed much more awake than Laguna and must have caught his hesitation. “Feel free to try anything you like, today is a traditional Estharian breakfast, but the cooks like to change every day, so you'll get to eat different kinds soon enough. And don't mind Laguna – he'll be back to normal once the caffeine starts to have an effect.” In fact, Laguna had returned to his dazed observation of his cup, completely missing his friend's comment.

Squall nodded and took a seat. Ward passed a basket filled with small oval-shaped pastries to him, and he smiled awkwardly in gratitude before taking a tentative bite. It was good, it was filled with some kind of jam, although he couldn't identify the fruit. He took another one, under the watchful eye of the silent giant.

He tasted a few other kinds of food, all of which helpfully placed before him by Ward. The man seemed to have quickly discovered that he favored sweet aliments, because soon, he was only passed sugary delicacies. The giant was grinning widely by the time the gunblader felt full despite not having properly eaten the day before.

By then, Laguna had finally emerged from his torpor. “Oh, good morning Squall.” The young man looked at him with a slightly raised eyebrow. “I already said that, didn't I?” The President laughed sheepishly, running a hand in his hair in embarrassment. “Sorry, I'm not very good with mornings.” Squall let his eyebrow rise higher. “Yeah, you probably noticed already. It's pretty obvious I guess.”

Laguna coughed awkwardly to dispel the tension. “So,” He began while reaching for the basket of pastries Ward had first passed Squall. “What do you intend to do with your life now? I mean, I don't mind you being here at all, quite the contrary, but you don't strike me as the type to stay idle for very long.”

And wasn't that a difficult question. Squall was indeed not the type to rely on others for too long, and he quickly grew restless when he had no goal to devote his time to. The problem was that he had no idea where to go from here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sort of like how I depicted Laguna in this one. Please comment to give me your opinion (because goofy characters a hard to write for me).


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay, but Office completely corrupted my original file, and I had to work with only an old draft. There's nothing less inspiring than having to rewrite something you had finished once and were actually satisfied with. The good news is that I still have the next chapter (and a brand new copy of it saved elsewhere), so expect it next month.  
> There's a little explanation about the GF in this one, because while it's a nice game dynamic, there are just too many issues to apply it in a 'real' functional world. So I improvised something.

Kiros looked at his best friend's son as he thought about his future. While Squall had a radically different personality from his father, they were sometimes strikingly similar. For instance, they bore the same expression when the pondered too deeply on something, down to the little frown and the crease between the eyebrows.

They also somehow apparently had the same taste for sweet food. He had not missed the way Ward had kept handing the young man different kinds of dishes and Squall had unknowingly picked all of Laguna's favorites. The shared glance between Kiros and Ward had been more than a little amused at that fact.

“I don't really know what to do.” Eventually admitted the young man. The three adults – because Squall was still 17, not even old enough to drink in Esthar – waited patiently for him to elaborate. “My only skills are fighting and anything related; I never learned anything else. I do have the required level in general studies for someone my age, but it's hardly enough to find a job. Besides, I enjoy fighting, so I guess whatever I end up doing will have to do with combat.”

He paused, looked thoughtful for a moment before speaking again. “I also still have my six GF, and most of them dislike being kept from battle for too long.”

The three adults looked at him in shock. “You have _six_ GF?!” Exclaimed Laguna. “And you're junctioned to all of them? Isn't that like, a third of all known first class GF in the world?”

Squall nodded, a hint of a blush on his cheeks. Hard to imagine the young man could be shy. “They're all junctioned.” He confirmed. “They're all compatible with me, so my memories are safe – Garden has grown pretty strict on that point after the side-effects became public knowledge. The GFs wanted to stay with me when I left, and since none of them bar Shiva are technically Garden property, I kept them. Shiva made it clear that she would not junction with anyone else without siphoning their memories, so they were forced to let her stay with me.”

“You're compatible with six first class GFs?” Asked Laguna in disbelief.

His son nodded. “Shiva, Diablos, Leviathan, Carbuncle, Tonberry and Eden.” He listed. “They like me well enough – at least more than the other SeeDs – which helps boost compatibility. I talk with them more than most.”

“I guess spending a lot of time lost inside your head does wonders for relations with GF.” Mused Laguna aloud. It wasn't an insult, just an observation, and Squall took it as one because he merely shrugged.

“It still means I have to find a way to keep fighting or they'll get bored. And so will I.” He added.

Well that at least greatly reduced all the number of options. “Have you thought about joining the army?” Inquired Kiros.

Squall shrugged. “I did, but for one, I'm still not of age. It wasn't a problem in Garden, where the Headmaster was legally your tutor if you were an orphan and you were considered emancipated if you made it into SeeD, but now that I left, I'm basically a minor without a guardian. I suppose Laguna could be considered my legal guardian, but it still means I'm too young to join the military.

“Also, I'm-” He hesitated for a second, before he sighed. “I'm not very good at following orders when I disagree with them. I only made SeeD because Seifer – as the squad leader – took the fall for our disobeying direct orders, but I was fully in agreement with him at the time. That kind of insubordination isn't tolerated in the military.” He looked almost embarrassed, with his eyes trained on the table.

Kiros looked at Ward, who shared his bemusement, before both turned their gaze onto Laguna. The green-eyed man was fidgeting and avoiding their eyes. “I see.” Drawled Kiros. “It seems it's a genetic problem.” He teased his best friend. How many times had Laguna dragged them into an adventure while they were soldiers because he refused to follow their commanding officer's directives? He called it 'taking initiatives' or 'independent thinking', but for the army, it was still insubordination.

Still, an idea was forming into Kiros' head. It would solve a national problem as well as keep Squall occupied and close enough to Laguna. The President would never force his son to stay close to him or spend time around him, but it was obvious that he enjoyed the proximity and loved nothing more than to learn things about his offspring, adopted or natural. It would also be a way to bypass the issue of Squall's age.

“I might have an idea.” He started and immediately had the others' complete attention. Squall tilted his head to the side to show he was listening. Kiros was well-used to reacting to visual cues instead of oral ones thanks to Ward, so he kept talking.

“You see, since the Lunar Cry, Esthar has had a major problem with monsters attacking its citizens. Our army has been purposefully weakened after Adel's reign, and it was never very good at dealing with monsters anyway, so we have to heavily rely on contracts to protect our people, mostly with Balamb Garden. That is even more true in the case of rare, more powerful fiends that landed on our territory and are way beyond our troupe's ability to kill.”

The young man nodded to show he was following. As former acting Commander of Garden, he must have seen all the aforementioned contracts before they were signed.

“But,” Kiros continued. “any country aspires to be self-reliant, Esthar is no exception. We cannot depend on contracted mercenaries forever and the monsters' numbers show no signs of decreasing. In fact, they seem to be breeding and becoming more of an issue each day.

“The idea is to build a branch of the military dedicated to the extermination of monsters within our borders, in particular the most dangerous ones. The problem is that none of our troops are currently strong enough; they already struggle against the 'common fiends'. That's where you could be useful.

“Of course, we wouldn't send you alone to fight. It goes against our military's rules to send personnel on solo missions. But – if you are interested – you could help train a separate team that would specialize in taking down those monsters, and take part into the field operations. You're more than qualified for leading troops, and they would only be a small team, not a whole division. Since this would be a side-branch of the army, it should be possible to bypass the issue of your age – you would still have Laguna as a guardian, since that's the law, but you would not be dependent on him. As for your ability in battle against monsters, I don't think anyone could object that you are not competent or experienced enough.

“I might also add that this is not charity. We have a major problem and you are a possible solution. I would not offer this if I thought you were not capable enough.” He clarified. Laguna's son was proud and obstinate, and if he thought this was some kind of favor, he was liable to decline for the sheer principle of it.

Squall looked pensive, which Kiros considered a point in his favor. He was not outright rejecting his offer. “Whose authority would I be under?” Eventually asked the gunblader. Laguna and Ward followed the exchange in silence, but there was a gleam of hope in the President's eyes at the idea that his son would stay nearby after all. Laguna had been resigned to seeing the young man leave once he found a new goal, and to barely ever seeing him afterwards, because they would have no reason to meet. Squall wasn't one for family gatherings.

“Mine.” Kiros replied. “Since this team would be fighting against monsters, it would require less paperwork and surveillance than the regular army. I cannot guaranty that you would not be faced with humans in case we go at war with another country, but it shouldn't happen. Esthar is relatively pacifistic nowadays, hence the deplorable state of our military.

“I'm the head of internal security, which means I outrank any army officer and can give them orders. Your rank would not exactly be the same as a general, but you would have the same agency, and would only be held accountable by me. You've already proven that you're responsible enough for the job.”

It was a good offer, and Squall seemed to realize it. He couldn't realistically hope to find better elsewhere. “Let me think about it some more.” He requested after long minutes of silent pondering.

“Of course, this is an important decision.” Agreed the dark-skinned man. “But please don't take too long and inform me when you have decided.”

Squall nodded distractedly, his mind wholly focused on the problem at hand.

The conversation was over, and Kiros and Laguna had work to do (or to pretend to do in the latter's case. The President was all but useless when he was distracted). Ward had more free time and agency about what he did with it, so he would show Squall around. Laguna had mentioned that he had a training room with some modern Estharian equipment and his son had seemed interested. Having nothing better to do, Kiros believed that the young man would likely spend his whole day cooped up in there.

()()()()()()

Squall had not known what to expect from Laguna's training room.

The older man evidently still remembered how to fight and kept himself fit, given the way he moved (leg cramps excluded) and kept his machine gun at hand's reach when on business trips. The gunblader had never seen him fight since he became President, but he assumed his fighting ability was at least on par with what he had seen thanks to Ellone's power.

As it turned out, the training room could give Garden a run for its money.

Instead of a indoor jungle with live monsters and dubious security (given the amount of times a younger and very much unauthorized Seifer and Squall had managed to sneak in after curfew to battle T-Rexaurs, nobody had been overseeing the security cameras), there were automated robots and cardboard – probably not actual cardboard, but he had no idea what the material was – figures to practice your aim or reflexes.

There was also an area where you would be faced with the automatons, the flat figures and unmanned turrets (none of which used lethal bullets or weapons) and where you could set the difficulty and intended goal, such as speed or accuracy. You were given a score at the end of your performance, and you could compare it with others' recorded scores. Laguna was currently at the top of most courses, apart from those that tested your brute strength (Ward overpowered everyone in that field) or speed (where Kiros surpassed him in the most difficult courses), but he was also the one with the highest total of hours spent here.

The gunblader decided to start low and set the course to test his reflexes at medium difficulty. Better get a feel of the difficulty system before going for the tougher courses. Besides, for now he wasn't looking for a challenge; he wanted to think about Kiros' offer, and his mind was the clearest in the midst of battle. Outside of a fight, he had the terrible habit of getting lost in his thoughts and not emerging until someone shook him out of it.

He entered the battle grounds and automatically began slashing and shooting the targets. No magic for now. As his body moved mechanically on his own, taking down one cardboard opponent after another, he allowed his thoughts to wander.

Kiros' offer was tempting. It had few drawbacks for several advantages. He would still be an active fighter, still get to use his gunblade and his GF, and not be dependent on incompetent leaders. The dark-skinned man knew his battlefield tactics, and would likely not impose his opinions without a good reason. It was a freedom that he could not reasonably hope to find anywhere else.

It would also not be a very public job. Few meetings and likely no socializing and parties to promote his organization; a step up from Balamb and his status as poster boy.

If he accepted, he would have to lead people. That was probably the biggest downside to the offer. Squall would have to ask more details about the recruitment process and the size Kiros wanted for this team. He couldn't work with people who didn't take this seriously. Their personality wasn't really an issue, as long as they were committed to their job. The same applied to abilities. Squall was of the opinion that everyone had areas where they were good at, and fields where they struggled; the trick was to discover where you excelled, and find ways to apply it on the field.

He would also have to impose another criterion on selections : no starry-eyed fans. He could work with all kinds of personalities, exuberant ones like Selphie, arrogant ones like Seifer, or awkward ones like Laguna, as long as they didn't gawk at him – or worse : ask for autographs.

There was also the question of magic. It was virtually impossible to expect every member of this team to junction to a GF (not to mention a first class GF) and wield para-magic like it was taught in Gardens. It was wishful thinking that they would find enough first class GF for everyone, and he had no inclination in sharing his beloved GF.

(Second and third class GF were unfortunately sharply inferior in terms of battle abilities, being drastically weaker and unable to be summoned, although they were much easier to junction and use. Most SeeDs used them, and the simple fact that you could handle a first class GF greatly improved your chances of being promoted. No more than a dozen SeeDs currently could, which showed how rare it was)

Moreover, it took years to learn how to cast, years that they didn't reasonably have. The Estharian army didn't use para-magic, although they had some technological alternative that had similar effects.

More information would be necessary. Squall didn't want to learn a new way of casting para-magic to completely give up his current one, his GF wouldn't allow it either. However, he also didn't know how to test or teach Esthar's type of magic. Perhaps someone else, someone qualified, would help train recruits in that field?

His mind was already made, he realized as he mindlessly dodged rubber bullets from the nearest turret. He would take Kiros' offer, provided his conditions about recruitment were met. No senseless admirers, and only people committed to the job. Apart from those two points, he could make do with anything, even if it meant leading again. If the team wasn't too large and he could interact directly with its members to assess their strengths and weaknesses, to assign them as efficiently – and safely – as possible, it would be fine. It was one of his many complaints about Garden's system: the leader of SeeD was responsible for too many people, and had too many intermediaries between them and the troops. It had led, for instance, to three rookies sent on a too difficult mission with vague parameters, half-assed clients and no clear ending clause.

(No, he was not over that. His first mission had been a disaster, and the only reason they had been no casualties must have been a divine intervention by Hyne itself.)

He finished the training course with a slash that took out the last three dummies in one move. The door opened and the lights shifted to inform him that the test was over. He went to the monitor to check his score, and was satisfied to see he had beaten Laguna. Not by much, but enough. It was nice to know that he had better reflexes than his father, although the man had to still be pretty impressive in battle if the difference in score was so small.

The training course was interesting, decided Squall, before he heaved his gunblade over his shoulders and went to calibrate another course. At least he wouldn't be bored until dinner, where he would state his conditions and give Kiros his answer. No need to keep the man waiting when he had already taken his decision.

()()()()()()

As Ward had expected, Squall spent the entire day in the training rooms, probably testing the different courses and likely surpassing quite a few of their scores in the process.

He made sure to send an attendant (a professional one, that wouldn't stare, giggle or make any unwarranted comment to the President's son and former Commander of Garden) with a few sandwiches, a bottle of water and a slice of cake for lunch. The servant dutifully reported that the young man had eaten all the food, and had been quietly thankful for it, especially for the cake.

It was Ward's job, among other things, to make sure all the Palace's inhabitants ate regular meals. Kiros was relatively easy to care for, but Laguna had a deplorable tendency of forgoing food when he was particularly busy, and the mute giant had the sneaking suspicion that his son had the same habit. Squall was obviously dedicated to his work, and had the discipline and focus to keep at it for hours at a time, which likely meant forgetting to eat if he was too invested in his duties.

It was amusing to note the similarities between Squall and Laguna, despite them not even knowing about each other a few months ago. Ward had never met Raine, the young man's mother, so he couldn't compare them, but he could still see that father and son unknowingly had some traits in common, like an unexpected sweet tooth or the way they blushed and avoided people's gaze when embarrassed. For some unexplainable reason, it warmed his heart to see that they managed to share some things, to have some sort of bond, no matter how tenuous or trivial.

Now, it was time for dinner. While he usually had to bodily drag Laguna away from his desk (' _just another report, Ward, I promise_ ', ' _I can't leave this partway finished, Ward. I'll eat as soon as I'm done, I swear_ ', ' _This is urgent work, Ward, I have to finish it before dinner_ '), this time, the green-eyed man came along without protest. He was so clearly eager to see his son, it was endearing.

Kiros was already there, as punctual as ever. Squall too. Ward had made sure to remind him of the time a little earlier, so that the young man would have the time to shower and change after his training. He wondered how many black leather outfits the gunblader had, because this was not the same clothes Squall had worn this morning – this jacket had a white fur collar and there were more belts around one leg.

They all settled around the table, and kept to small talk for now. Squall barely participated to the conversation, but they were all used enough to non-verbal communication to see that he followed everything with attention.

Dinner was a traditional Trabian family meal. Ward had given instructions to the cooks to prepare varied foods from diverse origins, just to give his friend's son a taste of different places. It was a pleasure to see the young man gingerly try every dish and decide which ones he liked the most.

After eating dessert (Laguna took three shares, Squall two), Kiros returned to the topic of Squall's future. “So, have you thought about my proposition?”

The young brunet lowered his spoon with a nod. “I have some questions and conditions.” He stated, carefully weighing each word. Ward had the feeling that Squall was not used to being able to dictate his own terms. Garden must not have been keen on its pupils requesting things...

Or maybe he was reading too much into this.

“I'm listening.” Replied Kiros. He folded his hand over the table in the position he took for negotiations. “As long as they are reasonable.”

Squall took a deep breath. “How large are you expecting this team to be? And what about para-magic? It's almost impossible to face the stronger fiends without some kind of magic, but I don't know a thing about Esthar's magical technology.”

“Not more than twenty members, probably less. But this number can be raised if you need more.” The brunet shook his head mutely. “Good. As for para-magic, I don't think it's feasible for our troops to learn your kind, so they'll have to keep to Esthar's. I guess you're worrying about how to train them, but I can dispatch a specialist for that. We have some para-magic experts that can teach soldiers how to wield our technology properly. They could also give you some lessons, just so you know how things work.” Squall gave a short nod. It was nice to see that despite his own mastery, he was willing to learn different methods. He was a good young man, under his prickly exterior, and not too conceited to consider other approaches. “Anything else?”

“How will you chose the members?” Came the curt inquiry.

“I'll admit I haven't thought that far yet.” Replied Kiros with a considering tilt of his head. “Do you have any suggestions?”

“Some.” Squall took the time to ponder his words before speaking. “I don't care about their personalities or abilities. Everyone has their strengths, you just need to find them. But I won't deal with the unmotivated. They have to be committed to their jobs, or I won't train them. In fact, they wouldn't make it through training; I don't know how to go easy on people, and I expect diligence. They can be chatty, outgoing, silent, serious or whatever, but they have to know when to put work first.

“Also, they should not spend their time gawking at me. I can stand some inquiries and curious looks, but not constant interrogations and staring. No idolizing fans. That's my last condition.”

Ward looked at Kiros, who was considering. Laguna looked terribly hopeful, those requests were sensible, meaning there should be no reason to turn them down; Squall would stay close-by, the President would be able to see him often, provided the young man agreed.

But sometimes Kiros was a little bastard and he delighted in keeping them in suspense, thought Ward fondly. He knew that the fact that the dark-skinned man hadn't shot down Squall's conditions immediately meant he agreed with them, and Laguna knew it too, but the President couldn't help doubting and fidgeting until the verdict was given.

And as he predicted, a smile slowly spread upon Kiros' face. His hands unclasped and he opened his mouth. “In that case, Mr Leonhart,” He began, carefully enunciating each syllable with barely concealed glee. The drama queen. “I think we have a deal.”


End file.
